Promises are made to be broken

Why is it, the promises I make myself are the easiest to break? I told myself I'd have my P plates by the time I finish high school and I find out I still have around 15 hours daytime and 9 hours night time to go.

I hate learning, I just want my P's. I'm thinking about B.Sing it.

Grade 12 legal, 2009 <3

I've talked too much about relationships, the I, myself, think that's all I know. So, instead, I'll talk about high school. How it's almost over. How starting grade twelve first like moments ago, and starting grade eight was only last year.

Remember stepping into the gates as a grade eighter, lost and insignificant? Remember the grade twelves, rude and full of hatred, treated us like their little brother or sister that drives them nuts. Now, we're reaching the end.

I'm excited and nervous at the same time. What am I meant to do now, that, after my whole fourteen years of education, I just throw myself into another four - six years. My life so far, was school: is school. I've had the taste of work and didn't like it. Maybe I should just attend university for the rest of my life.

The last day of the last full school week -- EVER

Everyone had cameras.

It was also free dress - Melbourne Cup theme

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I want to write a love letter, but I fail at expressing love in more than four-letters. Three, if you think dirty. Taking out a quote from a book, I'd say "I wish I had a dick so I could clearly express my admiration for certain people."

Words don't have enough meaning when it comes to expressing one's love. Photos speak a thousand words, but I don't even have enough photos of us to place into a photo album. That's probably the only thing I hate about Rinsma - photos scare him. Sheesh. I'd love to have countless photographs with him. It'd make me rather happy, it would.

On another note: hatred. It's okay to hate someone, but after years of not talking, wouldn't you slowly get over it? Instead, the hatred has tightened. Sigh. I'm sorry for being your ex-girlfriend. I'll try harder to be maybe no one instead.

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The offical video clip would't embed.

I hate Smallville.

A chemical reaction

In a relationship, you have elements called trust and honesty. To me, those two elements have become that hardest to keep ahold of. Maybe because they've finally turned into gas, instead something solid and easy to hold onto.
Halloween keeps replaying in my head. My dreams include those moments, but overexaggarated and with unicorns and fairy floss, because, as I said, its a dream. But that moment, in my head over and over again, allowed it to boil. Now it's steam, and hard to grasp onto.
Of course, this chemisty metaphor may be all wrong, I haven't done science since grade nine.
But, back to honesty.
Halloween wasn't dishonest. But I can't trust him to be honest anymore. He doesn't tell me how he feels as often, because he doesn't want my mood to go from positive to negative. I don't understand him, so this may be all wrong.
But it's annoying. And it hurts.

So my question remains;
How can I be in a relationship if I can't trust the person?

Two More Days

There's only two more days of full school days left.
Friday: Free Dress
Monday to Monday: Exam blocks (Monday to Wednesday for me ^_^")
Tuesday: Last full day ever
Wednesday: Grad Prac.
Friday: Graduation, pre-formal, formal and after party.


So much is happening at once, I don't know where I'm going.

10, 603

So I hit my first writers block at 10, 603 words. Sigh. It's frustratingly annoying. If only I could write perfect prose non-stop for hours on end and hit my 100, 000 goal (double of what I actually need by the end of the month, but that's the length of a good manuscript and I would love to publish a book). According to my formatting (times new roman, 12pt, double spacing which gives 300 words roughly on each page) I have 42 book-length pages. Yay.
If I were a reader, I'd have finished my book by now.

NaNoWriMo.org/eng/user/556071

So, I'm currently doing NaNoWriMo -- 50, 000 word story in 30 days. It's the second day today and I'm up to 6542. I'm estatic. But I've looked into the statistics. Twilight is around 110, 000 words long and 500 pages. So, I thought, since I like reading long books, my novel should exceed this 50, 000 word limit by 51, 000. So, instead, after winning the competition, I'm going to just write another 50, 000 during my school holidays. Do I have a life? Yes, I do. I've seen Rinsma most of yesterday as well as went out for dinner. Today I had a normal school life, with NaNoWriMo's story saved on my USB. Maybe I should eat lunch at school and then go to the library and cram a NaNoWriMo session there.

I'd love to publish a book.

It's definately not moments like these we need

Grace kids piss me off. Sorry.

It's prejudice.

I think the blur gives the effect of "drunken party.'

Halloween wasn't swell. It was more of a disappointment. If I wasn't a witch, I'd probably have been a garden gnome. That's because I sat out the front of Luke's place for a very long time, probably practically still. The only thing stopping me being a garden gnome, disregarding my prior costume, would be the lack of proper garden. Maybe I should have backed up a few paces and sat in the mulch.

Why is it, these 585 words for my English assignment was hard to write, but the 3005 words for NaNoWriMo.org was easier. Today NaNoWriMo started. We have to write, individually, 50, 000 words in 30 days. How exciting. You get a piece of paper when you win. And a finished manuscript that you can edit in December. November is for non-stop writing, December if for editing. If I make a manuscipt by the 30th of November, maybe I should try and publish it.

Thoughts?

Logical :: lacigoL

There are some things that just defy our logic. Like helium balloons are attracted to the sky, whereas general matter is attracted to the ground - thank you gravity and Sir Isaac Newton. According to cafe chefs, you should put the milk in your cup of coffee before the hot water, to caramelise it. Taste different, I've tried. But wouldn't you want to melt the coffee stuff first?
Regardless, I defied my own logic today. I wanted Rinsma at my house for certain reasons, but when he was here, the reasons kind of drifted away... who knows. Why do one thing when cuddles and chit chat is just more relaxing?
I should have caramelised my latte.

Awards Night

So, I didn't get photos from Awards Night because I was too busy running around in the background, bumping into junior students who had no manners and receiving gifts for staying 'till 9:30pm. So, instead, random school photos that've already been uploaded somewhere before!!! YAY

Gah, it's annoying when people sign in and out, or appear on/offline constantly, to grab attention. *Sets status to "busy"*

Stalked celebrity

Yesterday, Jess found out what it's like to be a stalked celebrity. Then again, I don't think celebrities would be doing what Jess did in public. They'd at least do it more sensibly.

Animal History

Do animals have a history? I'm not talking pets, because they'd have been isolated from hearing about their historys. But what about colonies of ants, and wild cats? Do they reminisce about the time that ant nearly died by a human, but dashed in time before the foot stomped on the ground? Maybe they have a form of writing too, just not what we think it is. Their footprints on the soil could be their communication, but we just think of it as them walking spaz-like. Who knows.
I wanted to be Eliza Thornberry as a kid. But look like me.

A fire burns today

Would you kiss me, without me having to ask?

Sunsets are bootiful, as Patrick Star would say. School's been a massive bludge. I don't feel like the teachers are trying to make us learn. All I've done is drawn multiple Alice's in Wonderlands. It's okay though, I like not learning. And since our assignments are all "independant", I don't feel like I'm going to regret ignoring the lesson.

Weightless

I've lost so much weight, I can see my own feet now.
Saggy skin = no, no

It's rather lame, that my friend's boyfriends steal them away from me. Majorly. Okay, I see Rinsma lots and lots, but I still feel that I see my friends enough too. Even the ones that aren't Tug-A-Longers.

Friend's boyfriend -- give her back!

On another note, I got my formal invitation finally. FINALLY. Gosh. I think they've gotten stricter this year. I wasn't even away that day. They should see the date on my test paper, it matches.

I got my HD cam corder back. I have basic, experimental YouTube ideas, but I need actors. Which leads me back to my original topic. GIVE HER BACK!

Bernice;

because blogger has a problem with me commenting you.

It was my car, and my refidex is in my mum's car... well, was. =D

Those moments

Don't you just love those moments where you unknowingly smile, because you're so happy you don't care? Where everything's gone just right, to every point and detail, and those that didn't, you're completely oblivious to?
Sigh. Life is beautiful.

Apparently I'm some god on some planet. Stupid game, I wanted to be something more interesting.

Not my formal.

Rinsma and I are not the people to hire if you want to go somewhere we've never been in time, and not get lost. Sorry Janice and Stephanie and the teacher in the black dress. But thank you for being patient. I hope you guys had a great night. But, sorry to say guys, my formal'll be more epic.

In a bedroom

It's the moments like these you need.

Realisations aren't as bitchy as I was going to type. Instead, it's a relief: having being told. Now comes the hard part; change. And, taking the advice from my pencil case's badge; this moment shall only be as hard as him.

Punch me in the guts, until I vomit all this out.

Word vomit.

I'm sorry for being an emotion twat. For always letting the negative emotion push and pull the positive ones. For always being on the verge of tears, even when you're completely oblivious. Thank you, novels, for being my guidance. If not to help me, but to take me away from my own life and show me yours. Thank you, for not attaching photographs. For not proving to me that I shouldn't have thought what I thought: said what I said.
It's annoying when I want to go back on my word. For wishing so hard that I could turn back time. To tell you "No, I'm not okay with it. Sorry, but I have rules. Break them, and I'll break you: emotionally. And at the same time, I'll break myself." Sorry for being so hard to read. For being confusing and hypocritical. Sorry for not being straight forward with my emotions.
I thought I was okay with it, but evidentally, I'm not. I'm definately not okay with it. I want to hate you, but I can't. You asked me, and I said yes. So I hate myself. I hate myself that, right now, I'm on the verge of tears. The only thing stopping me is the witness in the other room.
I'll have a shower. I'll break down in there. At least you can't come over tonight, to stop be hurting myself.
Not physically, I assure you. But it might as well be.

Everyone's Talkin'

So, I've just realised I'm going to have a very boring after party and schoolies week.
I'll be all on my lonesome.
That's because I'm so loved with the people I sit with.

I'll just go to the Bellingham Maze on a Monday.
Hardcore.