Sleeping Beauty

Every moment I feel like crying. I can feel my strength deteriorating.

I can't be bothered anymore. I just want to sleep until life gets better.

When I grow up I want to be famous

Dear Arsenic,

There's so much I want to say but I am unable to think of the words to use. Firstly, I miss you.I miss the way apple seeds fall down my throat as I eat the core, and your substance reaches my digistive system. That's the best, the feeling of arsenic, shield away from my body's reach. If it weren't for that coating, I may die. But because of your lusious poision being inside those seeds I swallow, I wish for one day to be immune to arsenic poisioning. Arsenic, that's not what I wanted to tell you at all.

I miss the way things use to be. The way things were iffy, but exciting at the same time. Those things we did, that we weren't so sure about, but knew we wanted deeply. It's those times I miss. Now everything is always the same. We always do the same things. Arsenic, please change. But whatever you do, don't become Cyanide. I heard she can be a bitch, and Arsenic, I don't want you to be a bitch.

From Delilah.

Graduation

It's not my fault you're in love with me, or something

Without realising that I was walking up the dodgey stairs attached to the stage in our Student Activity Centre, I graduated. This all happened yesterday and already it feels more like weeks ago. A lot of people cried and Sharnna takes pride in making those people cry. Unbeknownst to her though, I did not cry. And I don't intend to. Sure, it's sad; the cohort will never be in the same area together again. Well, if you're technical about it, that's probably the first time we ever were in the same area. People wag. People get sick. People have holidays during the school term. People have excursions. We probably never have been in the same area (in the school gates) together, as a cohort until that day. And that day will also be our last.

The good thing about this is that, those you're friends with, you'll surely see again. Unless you weren't really friends. And to the rest --

fuck you.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you were to go. So make the best of this test and don't ask why. It's not a question but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredictable but in the end is right, I hope you had the time of your life. So take the photographs and still frames in your mind. Hang it on your shelf with good health and good time. Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial. For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right, I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right. I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right. I hope you had the time of your life.

Last day of school

Tuesday was the last day of formal schooling and looking back at it, it didn't seem formal at all. Most of the day was filled with signing t-shirts, books and my sarong. As the grade twelves do every year, some people did stupid stuff. Some was harmless, others were not. Friends of mine turned a classroom upside-down. That was probably the least harmless prank pulled off. Nick brought four bags of flour to school to flour Jakob. He also rebelled against the sock policy and wore rainbow toe socks. Or as he called them, socks that are individually toed. Amazing. We wrapped Luke up in glad wrap and drew boobs on the plastic like the mature grade twelves we are. Sharnna managed to put glitter in peoples' hair and the fans. And Sam, Kelsey and I flew a kite in maths.

But it's sad to say that, after 12 years of schooling, we still spell 'made' m-a-y-d-e.

Love is a game,

Just meant to be played.

Love is a game,

And overly cliched

It's full of lovers,

Cheaters and one-night stands

It's full of trust,

Honesty and multiple hands.

Photo credit to someone on DeviantART

Pure Morning

I find it hard to trust people now.

Trust is a part of friendship.

I find it hard to hold a friendship.

Promises are made to be broken

Why is it, the promises I make myself are the easiest to break? I told myself I'd have my P plates by the time I finish high school and I find out I still have around 15 hours daytime and 9 hours night time to go.

I hate learning, I just want my P's. I'm thinking about B.Sing it.

Grade 12 legal, 2009 <3

I've talked too much about relationships, the I, myself, think that's all I know. So, instead, I'll talk about high school. How it's almost over. How starting grade twelve first like moments ago, and starting grade eight was only last year.

Remember stepping into the gates as a grade eighter, lost and insignificant? Remember the grade twelves, rude and full of hatred, treated us like their little brother or sister that drives them nuts. Now, we're reaching the end.

I'm excited and nervous at the same time. What am I meant to do now, that, after my whole fourteen years of education, I just throw myself into another four - six years. My life so far, was school: is school. I've had the taste of work and didn't like it. Maybe I should just attend university for the rest of my life.

The last day of the last full school week -- EVER

Everyone had cameras.

It was also free dress - Melbourne Cup theme

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I want to write a love letter, but I fail at expressing love in more than four-letters. Three, if you think dirty. Taking out a quote from a book, I'd say "I wish I had a dick so I could clearly express my admiration for certain people."

Words don't have enough meaning when it comes to expressing one's love. Photos speak a thousand words, but I don't even have enough photos of us to place into a photo album. That's probably the only thing I hate about Rinsma - photos scare him. Sheesh. I'd love to have countless photographs with him. It'd make me rather happy, it would.

On another note: hatred. It's okay to hate someone, but after years of not talking, wouldn't you slowly get over it? Instead, the hatred has tightened. Sigh. I'm sorry for being your ex-girlfriend. I'll try harder to be maybe no one instead.

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The offical video clip would't embed.

I hate Smallville.

A chemical reaction

In a relationship, you have elements called trust and honesty. To me, those two elements have become that hardest to keep ahold of. Maybe because they've finally turned into gas, instead something solid and easy to hold onto.
Halloween keeps replaying in my head. My dreams include those moments, but overexaggarated and with unicorns and fairy floss, because, as I said, its a dream. But that moment, in my head over and over again, allowed it to boil. Now it's steam, and hard to grasp onto.
Of course, this chemisty metaphor may be all wrong, I haven't done science since grade nine.
But, back to honesty.
Halloween wasn't dishonest. But I can't trust him to be honest anymore. He doesn't tell me how he feels as often, because he doesn't want my mood to go from positive to negative. I don't understand him, so this may be all wrong.
But it's annoying. And it hurts.

So my question remains;
How can I be in a relationship if I can't trust the person?

Two More Days

There's only two more days of full school days left.
Friday: Free Dress
Monday to Monday: Exam blocks (Monday to Wednesday for me ^_^")
Tuesday: Last full day ever
Wednesday: Grad Prac.
Friday: Graduation, pre-formal, formal and after party.


So much is happening at once, I don't know where I'm going.

10, 603

So I hit my first writers block at 10, 603 words. Sigh. It's frustratingly annoying. If only I could write perfect prose non-stop for hours on end and hit my 100, 000 goal (double of what I actually need by the end of the month, but that's the length of a good manuscript and I would love to publish a book). According to my formatting (times new roman, 12pt, double spacing which gives 300 words roughly on each page) I have 42 book-length pages. Yay.
If I were a reader, I'd have finished my book by now.

NaNoWriMo.org/eng/user/556071

So, I'm currently doing NaNoWriMo -- 50, 000 word story in 30 days. It's the second day today and I'm up to 6542. I'm estatic. But I've looked into the statistics. Twilight is around 110, 000 words long and 500 pages. So, I thought, since I like reading long books, my novel should exceed this 50, 000 word limit by 51, 000. So, instead, after winning the competition, I'm going to just write another 50, 000 during my school holidays. Do I have a life? Yes, I do. I've seen Rinsma most of yesterday as well as went out for dinner. Today I had a normal school life, with NaNoWriMo's story saved on my USB. Maybe I should eat lunch at school and then go to the library and cram a NaNoWriMo session there.

I'd love to publish a book.

It's definately not moments like these we need

Grace kids piss me off. Sorry.

It's prejudice.

I think the blur gives the effect of "drunken party.'

Halloween wasn't swell. It was more of a disappointment. If I wasn't a witch, I'd probably have been a garden gnome. That's because I sat out the front of Luke's place for a very long time, probably practically still. The only thing stopping me being a garden gnome, disregarding my prior costume, would be the lack of proper garden. Maybe I should have backed up a few paces and sat in the mulch.

Why is it, these 585 words for my English assignment was hard to write, but the 3005 words for NaNoWriMo.org was easier. Today NaNoWriMo started. We have to write, individually, 50, 000 words in 30 days. How exciting. You get a piece of paper when you win. And a finished manuscript that you can edit in December. November is for non-stop writing, December if for editing. If I make a manuscipt by the 30th of November, maybe I should try and publish it.

Thoughts?

Logical :: lacigoL

There are some things that just defy our logic. Like helium balloons are attracted to the sky, whereas general matter is attracted to the ground - thank you gravity and Sir Isaac Newton. According to cafe chefs, you should put the milk in your cup of coffee before the hot water, to caramelise it. Taste different, I've tried. But wouldn't you want to melt the coffee stuff first?
Regardless, I defied my own logic today. I wanted Rinsma at my house for certain reasons, but when he was here, the reasons kind of drifted away... who knows. Why do one thing when cuddles and chit chat is just more relaxing?
I should have caramelised my latte.

Awards Night

So, I didn't get photos from Awards Night because I was too busy running around in the background, bumping into junior students who had no manners and receiving gifts for staying 'till 9:30pm. So, instead, random school photos that've already been uploaded somewhere before!!! YAY

Gah, it's annoying when people sign in and out, or appear on/offline constantly, to grab attention. *Sets status to "busy"*

Stalked celebrity

Yesterday, Jess found out what it's like to be a stalked celebrity. Then again, I don't think celebrities would be doing what Jess did in public. They'd at least do it more sensibly.

Animal History

Do animals have a history? I'm not talking pets, because they'd have been isolated from hearing about their historys. But what about colonies of ants, and wild cats? Do they reminisce about the time that ant nearly died by a human, but dashed in time before the foot stomped on the ground? Maybe they have a form of writing too, just not what we think it is. Their footprints on the soil could be their communication, but we just think of it as them walking spaz-like. Who knows.
I wanted to be Eliza Thornberry as a kid. But look like me.

A fire burns today

Would you kiss me, without me having to ask?

Sunsets are bootiful, as Patrick Star would say. School's been a massive bludge. I don't feel like the teachers are trying to make us learn. All I've done is drawn multiple Alice's in Wonderlands. It's okay though, I like not learning. And since our assignments are all "independant", I don't feel like I'm going to regret ignoring the lesson.

Weightless

I've lost so much weight, I can see my own feet now.
Saggy skin = no, no

It's rather lame, that my friend's boyfriends steal them away from me. Majorly. Okay, I see Rinsma lots and lots, but I still feel that I see my friends enough too. Even the ones that aren't Tug-A-Longers.

Friend's boyfriend -- give her back!

On another note, I got my formal invitation finally. FINALLY. Gosh. I think they've gotten stricter this year. I wasn't even away that day. They should see the date on my test paper, it matches.

I got my HD cam corder back. I have basic, experimental YouTube ideas, but I need actors. Which leads me back to my original topic. GIVE HER BACK!