But we ignore that

I need more friends. There's only one I can normally rely on to hang out with me, but she's been trapped in a little boyfriend bubble for quite some time now. I feel like my life revolves around Rinsma too much, which is stupidly pathetic. Since I don't do anything when I'm not with him, days just go by slowly, wondering what he's up too. Gosh, I sound pathetic.

I just suck at making new friends, and I'm too judgemental in person. And that's a trait I really would love to lose, and how to lose it? --- meet new people, and hold back from doing a mental analytical essay on everything I hate about them.

Let's be friends?

Chu chu lovely

Kids know how to have endless fun. I'm jealous and envious.

Tales from another broken home

The only time I'm familar with water rippling ever so slightly is when I go into a body of water, such as a bath, spa, pool or beach, slowly. But last night I had a different experience that left my cup of water rippling inside. I went to my first concert ever. Green Day.

It was an experience I'm hopefully going to remember forever unless I get alzheimer's in my late years. I, for one, wish that will never happen. I was quite disappointed though, that I was so far away from the stage. It made photo opportunities slim pickin'. But I didn't complain, at least I wasn't at the very back like the people who were.

Jet opened up the night. Mum hates Jet, I love Jet. They were great and full of energy. Sadly, I only knew four songs sung by them, which happens to be their famous ones. Mother thought Look what you've done wasn't by them at started bad mouthing them for doing a cover. To her dismay, it was by them. Also, she didn't bad mouth Green Day when Billie Joe started saying "I am Ironman," or when he sung Hey Jude, Highway to Hell and Shout. He didn't complete them, but he still started them.

I love their effects. They know how to use fire to their advantage, and scare the living shit out of me when fake, loud, gun bangs played during 21 Guns.

Billie Joe really loves his audience though. He let a boy get 'exorcised' in front of everyone. He let a girl sing practically the whole song of Longview, which she used to her advantage - running around stage like a female Billie Joe, hugging Mike Dirnt on base and chilling with Tre Cool on drums. Billie Joe let another boy stage dive into the mosh pit, as well as another. He strip teased, and before Green Day played a drunk bunny was on stage, obeying the audience's request to "skull, skull, skull."

On another note, what happens if, instead of saying "BRISBANE!" he said "SYDNEY" or even "LONDON!" How would the crowd feel? Would we boo down Sydney, or even London? Would the audience sound very confused? Who knows, but I'm glad he didn't. But this makes me wonder, what if someone like him yelled out the wrong suburb?

Every me and every you, every meeeeeee - e

My hair looks hot wet. Think about it when you go to bed tonight.

Why is fashion so ridiculous? Here I am, looking at my Cosmopolitan, and once the model in the photo must pull of a smart, geek, nerdy look, she pulls out her thick, massive, black pair of glasses? It's silly. Not all geeks, nerds and smart people wear glasses. Look and Kevin Rudd and John Howard... okay, bad examples, for two reasons. Smart? No glasses? I don't know what I was thinking.

I remember when I first put on my pair of glasses, everyone complimented me for looking smart. So maybe glasses do work. Although, I still believe it's to an extent. How will big, chunky, black brimmed glasses pull of a hot, smart, nerdy look? It shouldn't be fashion at all. I reckon the only type of glasses that make a person look smart and professional are ones that actually suit them. Not some ridiculous cliche emplified by the media.

I wish I didn't have to wear glasses though. I blame my physical changes on the computer. So much of my teenage life has been wasted away looking at a computer that I can no longer use my eyes own their own to see far away. That's because I've been focusing on short distance for so long, that my eyes no longer work independantly when reading the Macca's menu. Sigh, I really wanted to know if a Deluxe Cheeseburger was really cheaper than a normal Cheeseburger, or if people were just joshing me. Because, why would a Deluxe cost less when it has more? Ridiculous.

But also, if I didn't waste my time typing 80wpm, I'd probably stop unintentionally cracking my knuckles. Did anyone think of this guy when I said knuckles?

Where does this girl get her awesome ideas for blog titles?
I heard they were just the lyric she just heard in the song she was playing just before she started writing her blog.
Oh really? That's amazing. I wish I was that smart. It must be her glasses.
Of course.

But your heart says no

Everyday I find myself checking, to see if my request has been listened to. Everyday, I feel the same disappointment. I cannot be bothered reminding you, but I hope that this is subtle enough for you to understand. It hurts me though, that the one time I really want you to do something, if the one time you don't listen. Or maybe you truly don't know how. Sigh. I'll stop being a whiney girl.

In other news, apparently it's weird that my ex boyfriend has an ex wife. Yea, he's three years older than me and we dated when I was fourteen. At eighteen he shagged a young lady, drunk, without a condom. This moment reminds me of Knocked Up. As the Christian he is, he married her before the baby was born, so it's not a bastard. Afterwards, they had a fall out, and got divorced just before he hit twenty. What a life.

He was the ex that cheated on me. Well, I was the affair, but I didn't know. We had been dating for three months until I met his actually girlfriend. It was very awkward. In the end, her and I became best friends for what lasted around two years.

I've started to notice that I've been in every position in relation to cheating. I've been the one who cheated, the one who was cheated on and the one they cheated with. I also came tor ealise that I've cheated on all my ex boyfriends and have never once thought about cheating on Rinsma. What does this mean? Have I finally grown up?

But I would love a single girl life during 18-21. Only so I can shag the people I meet at clubs, and never have to be committed. But I don't see that ever really happening.

Also, I've finished P.O.V.'s album cover, I just hope to God that they love it and is happy.

With my foot upon his chest

It's weird how I can be completely open with someone I barely know, because I know that if they judge me for my problems, it doesn't matter, because life isn't like the Sims. If you know what I mean.

I remember the last algorithm for Rubik's cube. Smile for me. Clap for me. Hate me for posting too often.

All I have to do is listen to me

I was just reminiscing, which I'm sure I spelt incorrectly and I'm too lazy to google define and look at the "did you mean." As I was saying, I was just remembering the good times when I Don't Want to Be by Gavin DeGraw came on my shuffled iTunes, and yea. There was a moment, January of the first year of high school, I'd have been twelve, hanging out in one of my friend's bedrooms with another friend. I brought a one of those mix CDs to play and I Don't Want to Be started playing. Her brother walked in the room, demanding who owned the CD. I raised my hand begrudgingly, but instead of being yelled at for pathetic music taste, he praised me and asked to rip the CD on his computer.

My heart skipped a beat. But I was only a pathetic twelve-year-old with no chance with a fifteen-year-old. I look at him now and think he's ugly. =D !

We're making something beautiful

Starting a riot

Something I've noticed about blogger is that it's completely oblivious to my double enter, and doesn't break the paragraphs how I intended. Must I edit through html? Isn't there a point to this easy-for-people-who-can't-read-code thing? I thought there was, but no! Now I must BR everything. Lame.

Anyway. If you take a good look at any guy, you'd probably find at least one aspect to them being cute. Or is that just me? All the guys on my Facebook are cute. Not sure about Myspace though, I'm 100% sure a majority of my friends aren't really... well, real? But instead the stereotypcal old man with no life living in his mother's basement. I say that, because I'm too lazy to think of another description of a pedophile. Denis Ferguison. Done.

I was going to upload photos to prove to you how cute guys were, and just have a recurring moment of Rinsma pictures, but then I thought that he mightn't like it. Also, I was going to add a random girl to see if you noticed. =D But now I'm lazy, and my stomach hurts. So, to avoid eatting, I'm going to got o bed.

Or maybe eat the Cheerios cereal we have.

Know that I'll be

Does he really love you, or does he just love getting head?

Christmas isn't a hassle in my opinion. But I do like seeing people at the shops rush around as if it's tomorrow. I'm the person who casually walks aroudn the shop, thinking about what I could get, and then purchasing it. Although, I must admit, I hate long lines. Is it me, or do K-Mart lines just seem to take years? Every other place I can feel myself walking, as if the line is actually getting somewhere. K-Mart, you just stand for ever, barely moving. It's not like I hate that store, it's just slow.

It's okay Bernice, I've never been served by you so I'm not subtly saying how much I think you're slow =P

Anyway, I've been making a majority of my Christmas presents. I've spent $3 on my aunt and mother, $6 on Rinsma, $2.50 on Janice, Stephanie and Rinsma's parents, $8 on Sean and probably around $1 on my uncle. Rex is still to be bought for. So, that's my Australian family/friends looked after. Now, I'll go to Spencer's and buy an ******* (he reads here) ***** for Kevin (estimated $15 + postage) and a Death Note for Lindsay (Estimated $15 + postage). So, in the end, I spent more on my American friends then I did my family, friends and Rinsma.

Amazing.

Thought I'd boast. But then again, I made most of my Australians their presents, so maybe time and effort should be added onto their cost. And time and effort is priceless. So, the price still stays the same.

I need things to do. These holidays are going by slow. Give me my OP score already!

Baby I wanna be your girl

It's hard to make tough decisions. I guess that's why they call them tough. In the end, I know I'll break. But I feel I have to do it. There's nothing there telling me that he loves me anymore, and I've always felt, since that day, that maybe we shouldn't be. So maybe, just maybe, I'll do that hurtful task. The task that'll make me a living potato for many months.

Have you ever thought that, maybe...

So I'm thinking of reinventing myself, which of course, will turn out into a disaster of some sort. But I'm bored of being boring. I want to have more fun, do more things, stop being on my period, and go to a pool. And shut up about tampons already - a fake dick up me ? No thanks. Lol. I find them uncomfortable. Okay, enough about bloodly fluids.

Reinvent.

But what's fun to do?

Who wants to go bowling? Why am I asking here though, this question is only directed to the two or three people who actually read this, and they'll probably say no and not even reply. Lamos.

She ready for robot

Sigh, I blog too often at some stages, than neglect it during others. Anyways.

During schoolies week I had this conversation with a friend.

Friend: did you go to schoolies?
Me: Nah
Friend: why not?
Me: I'm lame.
Friend: lol, what about rinsma?
Me: He went with mates
Friend: are you scared he might do something?
Me: I trust him lots. He promised he won't do anything stupider than he already is.
Friend: lol. thats good. at least you trust him enough


Nice to have your chat logs save.

Come and have a drink with us

If you know me well enough, you'd know I don't drink alcohol. I'm not a fan of drunken parties and the stupidity it brings out in people. I can be high with Janice and we'd have had nothing to drink, smoke, inject, swallow or however else you can take drugs.

But it's time I get out of my soberness and attend an eighteenth. As you can imagine, there'll be alcohol. And yes, I'll drink. I don't care if I have someone there to look after me (person I'm thinking about probably has a graduation party to attend the same night) I'll just make a fool of myself and wake up with a hangover in the morning.

Yay.

Just go ahead now.

I can't hold it in. I thought I could forgive and forget. But forgetting is so hard. Every second in my head I picture the moment and I burst into tears. Life is hard and I wish this phase goes away because I can't live like this forever.

Only believe the things I wrote.

Maybe I deserve what happened. I've cheated on a boyfriend before. But he didn't care, he just found it as the perfect excuse to leave me. Well, he didn't know for a while. But he always wanted to leave me and I couldn't leave him because it made me feel horrible. Gosh, guys suck.

Get your boys, gonna make some noise -- Wanna get diirty

I really thought Saturday was going to be a good day. I was so happy, waking up in the morning, knowing I would see him that day, even though it was a certainty. But instead my whole day falls a part with a couple of sentences. I wish I could rewind and change things, anything, just so the outcome turns into something different.


My heart has never broken beyond repair.

Sleeping Beauty

Every moment I feel like crying. I can feel my strength deteriorating.

I can't be bothered anymore. I just want to sleep until life gets better.

When I grow up I want to be famous

Dear Arsenic,

There's so much I want to say but I am unable to think of the words to use. Firstly, I miss you.I miss the way apple seeds fall down my throat as I eat the core, and your substance reaches my digistive system. That's the best, the feeling of arsenic, shield away from my body's reach. If it weren't for that coating, I may die. But because of your lusious poision being inside those seeds I swallow, I wish for one day to be immune to arsenic poisioning. Arsenic, that's not what I wanted to tell you at all.

I miss the way things use to be. The way things were iffy, but exciting at the same time. Those things we did, that we weren't so sure about, but knew we wanted deeply. It's those times I miss. Now everything is always the same. We always do the same things. Arsenic, please change. But whatever you do, don't become Cyanide. I heard she can be a bitch, and Arsenic, I don't want you to be a bitch.

From Delilah.

Graduation

It's not my fault you're in love with me, or something

Without realising that I was walking up the dodgey stairs attached to the stage in our Student Activity Centre, I graduated. This all happened yesterday and already it feels more like weeks ago. A lot of people cried and Sharnna takes pride in making those people cry. Unbeknownst to her though, I did not cry. And I don't intend to. Sure, it's sad; the cohort will never be in the same area together again. Well, if you're technical about it, that's probably the first time we ever were in the same area. People wag. People get sick. People have holidays during the school term. People have excursions. We probably never have been in the same area (in the school gates) together, as a cohort until that day. And that day will also be our last.

The good thing about this is that, those you're friends with, you'll surely see again. Unless you weren't really friends. And to the rest --

fuck you.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you were to go. So make the best of this test and don't ask why. It's not a question but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredictable but in the end is right, I hope you had the time of your life. So take the photographs and still frames in your mind. Hang it on your shelf with good health and good time. Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial. For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right, I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right. I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right. I hope you had the time of your life.

Last day of school

Tuesday was the last day of formal schooling and looking back at it, it didn't seem formal at all. Most of the day was filled with signing t-shirts, books and my sarong. As the grade twelves do every year, some people did stupid stuff. Some was harmless, others were not. Friends of mine turned a classroom upside-down. That was probably the least harmless prank pulled off. Nick brought four bags of flour to school to flour Jakob. He also rebelled against the sock policy and wore rainbow toe socks. Or as he called them, socks that are individually toed. Amazing. We wrapped Luke up in glad wrap and drew boobs on the plastic like the mature grade twelves we are. Sharnna managed to put glitter in peoples' hair and the fans. And Sam, Kelsey and I flew a kite in maths.

But it's sad to say that, after 12 years of schooling, we still spell 'made' m-a-y-d-e.