They're all infected

Dear 2010,

I enter you with a broken heart. It's tattered and torn and trashed. I'm a weaker person than I was last year. I'm even weaker than I've ever been. I feel more vunerable and insecure. Everything I question. Why won't he tell me. Why protect her; you didn't protect me. My head is full of hurtful questions that sting my heart. And each time you don't answer, the sting moves in deeper, spreading the venom more, instead of taking it out as you would a bee sting.

I hate myself for being like this. I wish I were like I was back in 2009. Or even 2008, before I had a chance of putting myself in the most vunerable position. I regret my choices, and most of all, my actions. I hate wanting to know, even though I know it'll kill me more.

I hate how he doesn't understand. How he's completely oblivous to everything I want to know. Instead he builds a wall I cannot climb. One tough enough I cannot break down. It's completely surrounds my goal, so I cannot walk around it. I am given no shovel, so I cannot go under it. This wall annoys me. I want to know. Even if its the most simpliest thing out of all the questions I've aready asked regarding it.

My heart hurts. My eyes are always blurring, and it's not because I'm not wearing my glasses. I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. I feel the timing's too wrong to end it now. End my constant suffering.

I really do hate you.