Until you cannot breathe at all

I like to listen to songs that relate to my current feeling.

We got into a fight because I yelled. Just because I yell doesn't mean I'm angry. I always yell and yet he seems to make out like it's a rare thing, and I shouldn't yell at him. So he left me there, crying, bruising my knuckles against the wall. What a wonderful boyfriend.

It's pretty funny

I notice that I'm always around you

But is it hating, loving or just paranoia?
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I soaked up a hankie today. I guess that's an accomplishment of some sort. My bin's full.

Today was hard. I really can't do what I tried to. I spent an hour sitting, or lying there, wanting to try. There he was, waiting to hear the offical words. I guess I can't say the exact words, but it was clear when I said:
"Well, you can be like Barney Stinson now. I'll buy you the Bro Code."
Because we all know Barney Stinson had a serious relationship before he turned into a male that succeed with 100+ one night stands. Go Barney.

But yes, today was hard.

My eyes hurt.




I should probably point out I have no intention in watching this anime.

"The dangers are real during sudden storms"

According to high school, the rules and regulations were set in place to prepare us for university. They punish us for lateness, leaving without permission and tell us they have the right not to let us go to the toilet. I understand those things would be bad during an exam, but evidentally it doesn't matter in university. People arrive late (maybe it's a leigh-way for first week), people skip lectures, people leave suddenly, have their mobiles go off and go to the toilet whenever they feel like. The lecturers don't seem the least bit phased.

Then again, this is only first-week observation.

*Silence*

I clearly choose the best university. They give us free condoms sponsored by Nando's.
Today was fun. Both of my lectures finished an hour early, and I think that'll be the case with effective writing for quite a while now - apparently no one stays for common time. I have no idea what it is either. I may stay for it next week to see what it's like.

With more celebrity news

Typical bullshit views.
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Oh, Stuff is Messed up by The Offspring may forever inspire me with my Journalism course.
Today was my first day.
Yay for me.
And so far I've seen a woman Dwyer (yes, that's possible) and my tutor is Tasha Jobson (brekky on B105 for you silly, unknowing people)
Looking at my International Relations course outline (and some of Social Science) I've come to realise how thankful I am for doing Extension English.

Tonnes of Marx theory. Freak! I should've done that instead of Feminism.

I met two girls and realised Amanda was in two of my lectures. Good day to you blogger, a system we will cover in styles and genres in journalism

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
I don't know what they did but they came back with a daughter.
------------------------------------

In a way, this is how I feel.

Ohhhh, hear our song

Disagreement: your significant other can tell you not to talk to someone and you should follow through.

This is ridiculous and certain people keep bringing it up. "Why doesn't Daniel care you're talking to him?" - "Because he's just that awesome." That saddest thing is when her boyfriend tell her to stop talking to someone she likes hanging out with, she does. Since when was it boyfriends before friends (vise versa)? The sayings are, and always have been: bros before hoes (chicks before dicks). I don't want to lose a friendship because my boyfriend has a hissy fit over them. And thankfully he doesn't.

In other news.

Some guys I know *hints* play video games way too much. So I admit, I played Dofus for consecutive hours for most of my day back when I was 14. But I had no life then, and nowadays Dofus is boring - it hasn't really changed. And if it does change, I'd probably complain. And Wakfu just doesn't work on my desktop, which is a disappointment as I had the close beta key and everything. But I think it's open beta now. ANYWAYS.

Guys (and some girls) seem to play games way too often. I get bored of video games so easily nowadays. (Mainly because Zak still has my Gamecube controler, so the Sims isn't that appealing anymore and because the TV makes Rachet and Clank way too dark even though I've adjusted the settings in practically every possiblity. And Grand Theft Auto just doesn't like me.)

This blog is going no where.

-Rage quit-

Death age = 91

$380 on seven first-hand books. Good deal? I think so.
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I start uni on Wednesday. Scary - not really.
I kinda feel sad. I want to talk to someone and they're not there.
Looks like Janice is my substitute nowadays. Go Janice *Thumbs up*

You can run, you can hide

But you can't escape my love.
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So I have a current annoyances, and I'd thought I'd bitch/rant here. Blogger, you're the only person who ever listens to me <3

Anyways. Julius (obvious name change. It won't make sense unless you do a lot of Kevin Bacon back-track of relations.) won't reply.

Hmph. Boys are lame. I've tried to contact a gajillion of that species today and not one as replied/picked up the phone.

I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body

I don't think people realise that it's hard for me to help them deal with their problems. Especially the strongly depressed type. I'm not saying that I don't care. But what do you do when it's an online conversation and the other person is talking about self inflicting themself? It's not like I can reach out and grab whatever weapon they have in their hand. I would love to.

It seems words aren't enough though.

You tell them how wonderful they are and yet they still want more. I'm not lying about what I say either, because I know that won't help.

It's an unfair situation to be put in. When they talk about wanting to kill themselves, what exactly are you meant to say that'll stop them?

I remember I was relationship with someone like this. The only reason I got myself involved that way was because that was the only way he wouldn't kill himself. I know if sounds stupid, but I cared enough for this person to stop him, even if that meant getting too close. Each time I tried to end it though, he'd use the "I'll kill myself" threat. I stayed. That was until I found out he wasn't even capable of cutting too deep. They were just papercuts. So I left him. I tried to stay friends with him. But he's too agressive.

Another story. My old best friend and I were being douches on webcam and then suddenly she starting cutting herself. I told her to stop. I was really concerned. She fell off her chair. I didn't know her house number to call to make someone see if she was okay. She got back on the chair and started laughing, telling me she pretended to faint. This really annoyed me. The cuts were real though. She really was depressed and the way she liked to take it out was to make others worry.

What I'm saying is I have no idea how to help someone when it comes to those problems. And I feel I have to help, otherwise why are you telling me? I feel like I have to watch what I say, otherwise they'll take it the wrong way and 'hate life' even more.

My heart's beating fast.

Holding on to feel the same.
*Guitar solo*
-----------------------------

Today at orientation day I learnt that Griffth Uni - Nathan offers a variety of things. Here's what I remember;

1. Teachers strip just before they start the lecture
2. We have jumping castles
3. And clowns
4. We have book lists >_>

Anyways. Lets me go back to my confusing situation

I'm sorry. I really am. I wish I was man enough to tell you.

I don't think about it normally. It's only when she brings up a topic on the lines of "if my boyfriend ever cheated on me I'd dump him straight away."

I doubt it though. She's way too attached.

Fun with Dick and Jane

So I haven't posted on here for a while now. And now it comes to a time where a lot of ideologies squeeze together into my mind where I cannot think clearly anymore.

1. I feel that couples who need to know where their significant other is all the times are either clingy or untrusting. A key ingredient in a relationship so happens to be this very trust they seem to be lacking. Does that mean their relationship isn't completely 'perfect' as people assume relationships can be?
2. Once your best friend gets a boyfriend, what you say to her is repeated to him. It's not a nice thing, because I didn't want him to know what I told her.
3. I dislike being told that I was this when I was actually that. Being accused of things they made me do isn't fair. You walked away first. You didn't acknowledge me on arrival. I was invisible for a long time. Nice.
4. Blah. I forgot everything now thanks to Fun With Dick and Jane. Nice one.

Great Valentines Day today, right? We went to Aussie World, played some mini golf and went swimming when we got back home.

Yesterday was Haru's birthday, which I spent up catching up with Janice. It was rather fun. The crepe was delicious.

Last night was Courtney and Guy's 18th. It was great fun. They played in slime, cracked a pinata and limboed it down to the ground. The cake had edible rocks and was like a Hawaii island. Nom, nom, nom.

Marie, Marie

You know today's bad when a English illiterate person says something rather profound: "In the end of the day, they (friends/lovers) aren't there for you." Who said that? Well, my mother.

You see, it's days like Australia Day, Christmas, Birthdays and the lot when I realise I don't really have true or close friends, just accomplises (spell check?).

The only person I really ever see is Daniel. But he has friends of his own and I swear he must've been like, Mr. Popular or something. I don't have that many close friends. Not even one really.

If the other person doesn't consider you a close friend, should they still be considered yours?

You know they don't consider you a close friend when they bail on you to fuck their boyfriend.

I haven't been truly happy in a long time. I fake it so people don't worry, but I've recently realised that it has a negative effect on me in the end. Especially in my brow, as it's been furrowed from trying to stop tears all day and last night.

I feel pathetic. Let's all pretend I died today.

It's gonna be the day

I had an awesome plan concocted in my cranium: burn down all liquor stores and suppliers. But, as I would have soon realise, alcohol and fire is a dangerous combination and that I should get over my negative obession to alcohol.

I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Oh well.

Girlfriend now...

Peer pressure: this isn't a type of pressure you put on a wound such as a snake bite.

No one's pressuring me, but I feel like I have to still anyways. What do I have to do? Attend parties. Drink at parties. Tell stories about how I cannot handle a simple intake of alcohol.

But I don't want to. But I want to hang out with friends, and they all seem to go to alcoholic gatherings. I find this rather lame, to be totally honest. Why do you need to lubricate your throat with an unhealthy substance to attain stupidity?

What type of drunk am I?

A slut. That's what.

"Is that a good thing? No it's bad bitch."

I don't even attend these types of parties because their influence rubs off on me - the being drunk influence, not the type of drunk they are. Which is rather bad.

I had a whole idea for this blog last night but I can't remember most of the things I thought about before I slept last night. Sigh.

Overall - my mind set is against drinking and I cannot change it no matter how much I try. I roll my eyes at stories about vomitting because you drank to much. Or when such-and-such did a tumble dive off the roof into a pool.

You get me closer to god

There's a couple of downsides to school starting up next week, even though I'm not attending high school anymore.

1. I can hear the school bell from my house. The first bell goes off around 7:50 - I don't want to wake up so early for no good reason.
2. I can't go anywhere in the afternoon because my aunt thinks my little cousin is incapable of walking 20 minutes to his own house. I'd like to have a life, thank you very much.

That's really all I have to say about school. I heard the bell today and questioned why. It's Saturday and school doesn't start until Wednesday. Are people retarded? And I don't mean that in a mean way towards people who suffer medical impairments of some kind.

I think I'm just ranting.

One thing I wanted to say was about vulnerablity. I think I scare easily with things I'm not use to. Like walking through the bushes around 3 in the morning. Or meeting more than one person at a time and having no one to fall back on. Things like wanting to please, but not doing something stupid that will then be something you're well known for - stuffing up and embarrassing yourself.

Who knows. I'm just weird.

I'm thinking about planning bowling next Saturday, 6pm-8pm. Iunno how that'll go down though. I have to ask mother first. Maybe bring some people back to my place and play some PS2/Gamecube/movies/Twister.

Huh, killing in the name of

No, I haven't forgotten about Delilah Make Believe. It's just that I know reserve this blog for 'deep thoughts' and big things that I'm scared about. It's hard to keep track of two blogs.

For those who haven't noticed my GIF to the side is a link to my other blog, here's the URL

http://another-project365.blogspot.com

I'm not the only one on it - Kevin is too.

And sadly, I'm too busy to continue writing or to post my post from yesterday or today on Project 365.

Sigh.