I see angels and devils

My creative genious has lead to my possible contribution to the modern art gallery in Southbank. The only factor that stands in my way is that we were meant to build planes out of the crafts handed to us. Instead, I made a mini me. This is what I'd look like.

It wasn't easy to make; being treated like kids. We had to ask the supervisor to cut thigns for us and the only way we could attach things was by string, pipe cleaners or ribbion. That wasn't easy.

What made things worse was that it started raining while we were still there. Umbrella-less, and the art store lacking an umbrella supply, we had to trod on the bridge to Queen street in the rain. Yay.

I can't get away with it, but the girl gets laid.

I had a New Year's resolution all planned out yesterday but now I forgot what it was going to be. I even remember having so much belief in myself that I would follow through instead of forget.

I splashed spaghetti sauce on my T-shirt and I'm over due for a shower. I don't know what to do. I was excited for my OP score tomorrow but I've lost my SmartOP pin number so I might have to wait until Monday afternoon. That's when my mail arrive and the website predicts we should be getting the mail on Monday.

Sigh.

Woah, wo-oh-oh-oh, sweet love of mine

I was wondering where the postmen meet up before they start their rounds. The post office sounds too ordinary. There must be an office, or something, for the postmen to take their breaks. And what happens if a lot of the houses on their route didn't get mail on a certain day? Does that mean their hours differ just as much as a waiters? Also, why do we have to have skinny postmen? At least give the mildly obease ones the job of driving the van that delivers the parcels. That'd be nice. I guess our government doesn't think that ahead.

When I watch you

As usual, nothing went as planned today. Things fell a part when I didn't receive something I was hoping to attach to a present. Now I have to think of a compromise unless I mysteriously receive wanted part before Christmas. Well, December 24th, as Christmas is a faimly tradition so he and I will be with our own families.

Also, the absolutely awesome idea I blogged about has happened. I didn't go according to plan, but it worked nonetheless. The original idea was to get a 350ml coke bottle, or equavilant, and age it, as if it had been lost at sea for a couple of years. It would've been scratched. I was planning on going to the park to glue sand on it, and when it dried, I'd have dusted a majority of it off. Also, I didn't know how to fade the colour of the lid. Anyway, inside was a list of what I love about Daniel. I gave it to him this afternoon, without the aged effect, and he smiled lots.

Mission accomplished.

In other news, back to nothing going as planned, people who said yes didn't arrive. This happens all the time when I try and organise something. It annoys me deeply too. I feel as if there's something wrong with me. That there's something people hate. I wish I knew what it was, because I'd change that negative personality trait into something better. Then again, I once tried to change out of kindheartedness -- I can't be someone I'm not. I just wished I knew what made people avoid me.

Rules of Engagement

All my Christmas woes are over now. I think. All I have to do is finish my lovely idea. And since I'm seeing him tomorrow, I really should go to the park in the morning, with craft glue and a bottle of coke.

I really want to have a webcam conversation with someone, but the person I have in mind hasn't been online whilst I'm online anymore. Maybe he isn't noctornal like his old self. Sigh. Kevin, you suck =P

To blind to see tomorrow

I'm losing my original inspiration for this blog. Also, the photo you see above was meant to be edited in a more collage-d look, as it's for my uncle's Christmas/birthday (same day) present. Rex is meant to get the frame. I don't think it turned out as well as I could have done. Last year I gave him a photo album of all the old photos of me, Rex and Sean. Because after the divorce, I don't think he got many photos of us. He loved it. My aunt passed on the thanks he wanted to give me. I also got him alcohol flavoured chocolates last year, but I think they melted. I don't know what to get him for Christmas/birthday. I forward slash that, because I don't know if the frame is for Christmas or for his birthday yet. Regardless, as we've bulked bought Christmas wrapping paper, both presents will be gift wrapped with Christmas trees, stars and "Merry Christmas" decorations.

I cannot wait

Okay, I love food too much. I think I've had half the pantry already, and I'm still rather hungry. I know by the time dinner rolls over, I won't want any. I hope mum'd understand, but I know she'll yell at me for lack of eating. Pfft. Lack of.

Day don't end

I've been reading, or viewing, Project 365 blogs, and thought to myself "for my New Year's resolution... I should..."

So I'm thinking, I'll make a separate blog for a Project 365, and start when the calendar his January 1st.

It won't just be photos though. If I have any videos of moments, I'll put the video clip up.


=D


P.S. Awesome idea is nearly finished. I just need to go to the park.

Photograph each day, so we can live forever

I got part one of my lovely idea. I just need to go to the park to complete it, oh, and maybe do the most difficult part of it.

I'm thinking about ironing, but it's hot. Also, can I make my iPod play on my sound system? Because I can only clearly see the RYW cables, and they definately don't fit into the headphone hole.

Also, have you realised how deciptive Mother Earth is? Looking outside, you wouldn't guess it's very humid outside. You can see the trees swaying in the breeze, but the breeze is like, 30 degrees. It doesn't cool you down whatsoever. I like hot days when the breeze is nice. Like hot days at the beach =D There's always cold breezes there. Generally.

Looks like we finally made it

I have the sweetest idea I would really love to pull off. I'm not going to say much about it, because I don't know how often the receiver reads my blog - but I know they do. I hope it works out, because it's such a silly idea. It's something we can laugh about later.

Fingers crossed that everything goes to plan!

The sweetest thing

Being forcefully creative sucks. It's hard, there's pressure, and nothing ever seems to come out right. To top it off, I have to (more so want to) write a thoughtful letter to accompany what I'm making. The effort is hard, I can say, but I know in my heart that it will be rightfully praised.

Hopefully.

What you wanted couldn't hold us down

I feel like a girl who's finally dating her first crush, and therefore in her first relationship.

My first relationship was okay while it lasted. It was with Pie, but he refuses to be called that now. So let's just call him Ben. He was a long distant relationship because I fail at meeting awesome people in real life. I would be thirteen-fourteen at this time. What ended us was finding out that I was his affair and he was currently in a relationship, and had been for nine months. Therefore, he cheated on her for three months. I felt like shit when I found out. Not that I was uber in love with the guy (never told him I loved him) but because I felt responsible for this girls unhappiness. Or loss of happiness.

Ironically, we became good friends.

My next relationship was with someone I didn't realise I was dating until he went to break up with me three days later. It made me laugh. We're still friends, but we barely talk. He's actually rather depressing to talk to and I have a habit of avoiding those people. People should be happy, so I can forget my own problems.

I had another long distance relationship that lasted me less than a day. This makes me sound like a slut, but it was only a joke between two friends. Actually, I think this relationship happened between the gap of the one I'm about to talk about.

His name will be Mister. Mister was about to kill himself one night, but I didn't realise it was a major bluff. To stop him, I told him I loved him. This would be the biggest mistake of my life. From that day forth, we started dating. Once again, it was a long distance relationship, so I felt free to cheat on him lots. In which I did. People though Mister and I were meant to be together. But when he flew over to visit me, I found out how very wrong they were. He was completely different to me that I didn't like him anymore. In hindsight, I didn't like him that way to begin with. Regretfully, he was also my first kiss. Lame. We stayed together for 18months, but there was a break in between. I don't know how long that lasted for, that's why I rounded it to 18 months. It was more like, <18. But I can't be bothered to figure out the exact figures.

I tried to end us to many times, but he'd always pull out his depressing bullshit. So, in the end, I ignored his "I'm going to kill myself" pleas, and dumped him. Never again did I speak to him either, so he couldn't give me more bullshit. But of course, dumping him did hurt me a fair bit. And, less than a week after, he texts me that he lost his virginity.

How pleasing.

That leads me up to James. James and I probably only lasted two weeks. I don't really know why I wanted to leave him, I just didn't feel it was working. He's a good mate though, and I'm glad we still talk like we use to.

Now, I'm currently in a relationship with Daniel. But, as the title of this blog is called 'what you wanted couldn't hold us down' which implies the relationship is over, I won't talk about Rinsma =D

You're like my favourite damn disease

It's like a vision of love that seems to be true

Maybe we should play a game: guess what song Kristina was listening to when she wrote this blog by looking at the title.

I find myself checking constantly if he's online of not, just to get a five minute chat with him. If he were my boyfriend, this wouldn't be silly. If I were single, this wouldn't be silly. But both of those factors don't apply to me, I'm just a rather silly person.

To my dismay, bowling will be cancelled tomorrow because of lack of interest. I'm sick of this always happening. I think I'm that metal pole magnets are never attracted to. I would complain futher, but I'd be at risk of emotic depression - if that's even a disease.

I'm currently on my laptop and I can see our Christmas tree. If I were in America, no way would I have a fake tree. But due to Australia's awesome hotly climate, I've got to live with the same tree I see year after year. I wish I were more creative, or our tree had more branches, because it looks very naked and bare. It's silly and I disapprove of it. But that shouldn't matter, at least the star the lead the three wise men is perched on the top, I suppose. And mum's favourite angel gets a place near it. Everything else isn't important. From the home-made stocking, ornament size, from however old I was to the present wrapped in Coke wrapping paper with a santa clause with coolio shades poking out. As someone brought up Catholic, I question the relevance of a Christmas tree. Jesus was born in a stable, not in a forest of pines. Who decided on decorations too? Jesus' birth was simple, no fancy pants tinsel, ball things or Santa Clause. Whoever decided on how we should spend Christmas must be earning a lot of money. If they're dead, which I'm deciding is the case, their great grandchildren must be earning a lot of trust money. Lucky bastards. But you're still not as rich as J.K. Rowling or Bill Gates. You have a lot of catching up to do. Maybe make buying new cars for each family member a new Christmas tradition, I'm sure you'd catch up in no time.

I planned to confront him

So I'm watching Twilight again. I'm up to the time where I just analyse every aspect of it, especially Bella Swan. Okay, so her first encounter with Edward in biology mightn't have gone nicely, but why does she assume it's her that's the problem? Maybe Edward was sick. Maybe he wanted to change out of bio before they had to disect any animals because he can't stand things like that. Why does everything have to revolve around her?

Even their school magazine wanted to do a feature on her. Lame.

You take all of me

I wish I wasn't so dependant on him. I wish I could do things without having him to be there. But no, I'm some pathetic girl who has no idea what to do when he's not that. It's ridiculous and I wish I could change. Sadly to say though, my life without him revolved being at the computer a lot more. I'm so boring.

But we ignore that

I need more friends. There's only one I can normally rely on to hang out with me, but she's been trapped in a little boyfriend bubble for quite some time now. I feel like my life revolves around Rinsma too much, which is stupidly pathetic. Since I don't do anything when I'm not with him, days just go by slowly, wondering what he's up too. Gosh, I sound pathetic.

I just suck at making new friends, and I'm too judgemental in person. And that's a trait I really would love to lose, and how to lose it? --- meet new people, and hold back from doing a mental analytical essay on everything I hate about them.

Let's be friends?

Chu chu lovely

Kids know how to have endless fun. I'm jealous and envious.

Tales from another broken home

The only time I'm familar with water rippling ever so slightly is when I go into a body of water, such as a bath, spa, pool or beach, slowly. But last night I had a different experience that left my cup of water rippling inside. I went to my first concert ever. Green Day.

It was an experience I'm hopefully going to remember forever unless I get alzheimer's in my late years. I, for one, wish that will never happen. I was quite disappointed though, that I was so far away from the stage. It made photo opportunities slim pickin'. But I didn't complain, at least I wasn't at the very back like the people who were.

Jet opened up the night. Mum hates Jet, I love Jet. They were great and full of energy. Sadly, I only knew four songs sung by them, which happens to be their famous ones. Mother thought Look what you've done wasn't by them at started bad mouthing them for doing a cover. To her dismay, it was by them. Also, she didn't bad mouth Green Day when Billie Joe started saying "I am Ironman," or when he sung Hey Jude, Highway to Hell and Shout. He didn't complete them, but he still started them.

I love their effects. They know how to use fire to their advantage, and scare the living shit out of me when fake, loud, gun bangs played during 21 Guns.

Billie Joe really loves his audience though. He let a boy get 'exorcised' in front of everyone. He let a girl sing practically the whole song of Longview, which she used to her advantage - running around stage like a female Billie Joe, hugging Mike Dirnt on base and chilling with Tre Cool on drums. Billie Joe let another boy stage dive into the mosh pit, as well as another. He strip teased, and before Green Day played a drunk bunny was on stage, obeying the audience's request to "skull, skull, skull."

On another note, what happens if, instead of saying "BRISBANE!" he said "SYDNEY" or even "LONDON!" How would the crowd feel? Would we boo down Sydney, or even London? Would the audience sound very confused? Who knows, but I'm glad he didn't. But this makes me wonder, what if someone like him yelled out the wrong suburb?

Every me and every you, every meeeeeee - e

My hair looks hot wet. Think about it when you go to bed tonight.

Why is fashion so ridiculous? Here I am, looking at my Cosmopolitan, and once the model in the photo must pull of a smart, geek, nerdy look, she pulls out her thick, massive, black pair of glasses? It's silly. Not all geeks, nerds and smart people wear glasses. Look and Kevin Rudd and John Howard... okay, bad examples, for two reasons. Smart? No glasses? I don't know what I was thinking.

I remember when I first put on my pair of glasses, everyone complimented me for looking smart. So maybe glasses do work. Although, I still believe it's to an extent. How will big, chunky, black brimmed glasses pull of a hot, smart, nerdy look? It shouldn't be fashion at all. I reckon the only type of glasses that make a person look smart and professional are ones that actually suit them. Not some ridiculous cliche emplified by the media.

I wish I didn't have to wear glasses though. I blame my physical changes on the computer. So much of my teenage life has been wasted away looking at a computer that I can no longer use my eyes own their own to see far away. That's because I've been focusing on short distance for so long, that my eyes no longer work independantly when reading the Macca's menu. Sigh, I really wanted to know if a Deluxe Cheeseburger was really cheaper than a normal Cheeseburger, or if people were just joshing me. Because, why would a Deluxe cost less when it has more? Ridiculous.

But also, if I didn't waste my time typing 80wpm, I'd probably stop unintentionally cracking my knuckles. Did anyone think of this guy when I said knuckles?

Where does this girl get her awesome ideas for blog titles?
I heard they were just the lyric she just heard in the song she was playing just before she started writing her blog.
Oh really? That's amazing. I wish I was that smart. It must be her glasses.
Of course.

But your heart says no

Everyday I find myself checking, to see if my request has been listened to. Everyday, I feel the same disappointment. I cannot be bothered reminding you, but I hope that this is subtle enough for you to understand. It hurts me though, that the one time I really want you to do something, if the one time you don't listen. Or maybe you truly don't know how. Sigh. I'll stop being a whiney girl.

In other news, apparently it's weird that my ex boyfriend has an ex wife. Yea, he's three years older than me and we dated when I was fourteen. At eighteen he shagged a young lady, drunk, without a condom. This moment reminds me of Knocked Up. As the Christian he is, he married her before the baby was born, so it's not a bastard. Afterwards, they had a fall out, and got divorced just before he hit twenty. What a life.

He was the ex that cheated on me. Well, I was the affair, but I didn't know. We had been dating for three months until I met his actually girlfriend. It was very awkward. In the end, her and I became best friends for what lasted around two years.

I've started to notice that I've been in every position in relation to cheating. I've been the one who cheated, the one who was cheated on and the one they cheated with. I also came tor ealise that I've cheated on all my ex boyfriends and have never once thought about cheating on Rinsma. What does this mean? Have I finally grown up?

But I would love a single girl life during 18-21. Only so I can shag the people I meet at clubs, and never have to be committed. But I don't see that ever really happening.

Also, I've finished P.O.V.'s album cover, I just hope to God that they love it and is happy.

With my foot upon his chest

It's weird how I can be completely open with someone I barely know, because I know that if they judge me for my problems, it doesn't matter, because life isn't like the Sims. If you know what I mean.

I remember the last algorithm for Rubik's cube. Smile for me. Clap for me. Hate me for posting too often.

All I have to do is listen to me

I was just reminiscing, which I'm sure I spelt incorrectly and I'm too lazy to google define and look at the "did you mean." As I was saying, I was just remembering the good times when I Don't Want to Be by Gavin DeGraw came on my shuffled iTunes, and yea. There was a moment, January of the first year of high school, I'd have been twelve, hanging out in one of my friend's bedrooms with another friend. I brought a one of those mix CDs to play and I Don't Want to Be started playing. Her brother walked in the room, demanding who owned the CD. I raised my hand begrudgingly, but instead of being yelled at for pathetic music taste, he praised me and asked to rip the CD on his computer.

My heart skipped a beat. But I was only a pathetic twelve-year-old with no chance with a fifteen-year-old. I look at him now and think he's ugly. =D !

We're making something beautiful

Starting a riot

Something I've noticed about blogger is that it's completely oblivious to my double enter, and doesn't break the paragraphs how I intended. Must I edit through html? Isn't there a point to this easy-for-people-who-can't-read-code thing? I thought there was, but no! Now I must BR everything. Lame.

Anyway. If you take a good look at any guy, you'd probably find at least one aspect to them being cute. Or is that just me? All the guys on my Facebook are cute. Not sure about Myspace though, I'm 100% sure a majority of my friends aren't really... well, real? But instead the stereotypcal old man with no life living in his mother's basement. I say that, because I'm too lazy to think of another description of a pedophile. Denis Ferguison. Done.

I was going to upload photos to prove to you how cute guys were, and just have a recurring moment of Rinsma pictures, but then I thought that he mightn't like it. Also, I was going to add a random girl to see if you noticed. =D But now I'm lazy, and my stomach hurts. So, to avoid eatting, I'm going to got o bed.

Or maybe eat the Cheerios cereal we have.

Know that I'll be

Does he really love you, or does he just love getting head?

Christmas isn't a hassle in my opinion. But I do like seeing people at the shops rush around as if it's tomorrow. I'm the person who casually walks aroudn the shop, thinking about what I could get, and then purchasing it. Although, I must admit, I hate long lines. Is it me, or do K-Mart lines just seem to take years? Every other place I can feel myself walking, as if the line is actually getting somewhere. K-Mart, you just stand for ever, barely moving. It's not like I hate that store, it's just slow.

It's okay Bernice, I've never been served by you so I'm not subtly saying how much I think you're slow =P

Anyway, I've been making a majority of my Christmas presents. I've spent $3 on my aunt and mother, $6 on Rinsma, $2.50 on Janice, Stephanie and Rinsma's parents, $8 on Sean and probably around $1 on my uncle. Rex is still to be bought for. So, that's my Australian family/friends looked after. Now, I'll go to Spencer's and buy an ******* (he reads here) ***** for Kevin (estimated $15 + postage) and a Death Note for Lindsay (Estimated $15 + postage). So, in the end, I spent more on my American friends then I did my family, friends and Rinsma.

Amazing.

Thought I'd boast. But then again, I made most of my Australians their presents, so maybe time and effort should be added onto their cost. And time and effort is priceless. So, the price still stays the same.

I need things to do. These holidays are going by slow. Give me my OP score already!

Baby I wanna be your girl

It's hard to make tough decisions. I guess that's why they call them tough. In the end, I know I'll break. But I feel I have to do it. There's nothing there telling me that he loves me anymore, and I've always felt, since that day, that maybe we shouldn't be. So maybe, just maybe, I'll do that hurtful task. The task that'll make me a living potato for many months.

Have you ever thought that, maybe...

So I'm thinking of reinventing myself, which of course, will turn out into a disaster of some sort. But I'm bored of being boring. I want to have more fun, do more things, stop being on my period, and go to a pool. And shut up about tampons already - a fake dick up me ? No thanks. Lol. I find them uncomfortable. Okay, enough about bloodly fluids.

Reinvent.

But what's fun to do?

Who wants to go bowling? Why am I asking here though, this question is only directed to the two or three people who actually read this, and they'll probably say no and not even reply. Lamos.

She ready for robot

Sigh, I blog too often at some stages, than neglect it during others. Anyways.

During schoolies week I had this conversation with a friend.

Friend: did you go to schoolies?
Me: Nah
Friend: why not?
Me: I'm lame.
Friend: lol, what about rinsma?
Me: He went with mates
Friend: are you scared he might do something?
Me: I trust him lots. He promised he won't do anything stupider than he already is.
Friend: lol. thats good. at least you trust him enough


Nice to have your chat logs save.

Come and have a drink with us

If you know me well enough, you'd know I don't drink alcohol. I'm not a fan of drunken parties and the stupidity it brings out in people. I can be high with Janice and we'd have had nothing to drink, smoke, inject, swallow or however else you can take drugs.

But it's time I get out of my soberness and attend an eighteenth. As you can imagine, there'll be alcohol. And yes, I'll drink. I don't care if I have someone there to look after me (person I'm thinking about probably has a graduation party to attend the same night) I'll just make a fool of myself and wake up with a hangover in the morning.

Yay.

Just go ahead now.

I can't hold it in. I thought I could forgive and forget. But forgetting is so hard. Every second in my head I picture the moment and I burst into tears. Life is hard and I wish this phase goes away because I can't live like this forever.

Only believe the things I wrote.

Maybe I deserve what happened. I've cheated on a boyfriend before. But he didn't care, he just found it as the perfect excuse to leave me. Well, he didn't know for a while. But he always wanted to leave me and I couldn't leave him because it made me feel horrible. Gosh, guys suck.

Get your boys, gonna make some noise -- Wanna get diirty

I really thought Saturday was going to be a good day. I was so happy, waking up in the morning, knowing I would see him that day, even though it was a certainty. But instead my whole day falls a part with a couple of sentences. I wish I could rewind and change things, anything, just so the outcome turns into something different.


My heart has never broken beyond repair.

Sleeping Beauty

Every moment I feel like crying. I can feel my strength deteriorating.

I can't be bothered anymore. I just want to sleep until life gets better.

When I grow up I want to be famous

Dear Arsenic,

There's so much I want to say but I am unable to think of the words to use. Firstly, I miss you.I miss the way apple seeds fall down my throat as I eat the core, and your substance reaches my digistive system. That's the best, the feeling of arsenic, shield away from my body's reach. If it weren't for that coating, I may die. But because of your lusious poision being inside those seeds I swallow, I wish for one day to be immune to arsenic poisioning. Arsenic, that's not what I wanted to tell you at all.

I miss the way things use to be. The way things were iffy, but exciting at the same time. Those things we did, that we weren't so sure about, but knew we wanted deeply. It's those times I miss. Now everything is always the same. We always do the same things. Arsenic, please change. But whatever you do, don't become Cyanide. I heard she can be a bitch, and Arsenic, I don't want you to be a bitch.

From Delilah.

Graduation

It's not my fault you're in love with me, or something

Without realising that I was walking up the dodgey stairs attached to the stage in our Student Activity Centre, I graduated. This all happened yesterday and already it feels more like weeks ago. A lot of people cried and Sharnna takes pride in making those people cry. Unbeknownst to her though, I did not cry. And I don't intend to. Sure, it's sad; the cohort will never be in the same area together again. Well, if you're technical about it, that's probably the first time we ever were in the same area. People wag. People get sick. People have holidays during the school term. People have excursions. We probably never have been in the same area (in the school gates) together, as a cohort until that day. And that day will also be our last.

The good thing about this is that, those you're friends with, you'll surely see again. Unless you weren't really friends. And to the rest --

fuck you.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you were to go. So make the best of this test and don't ask why. It's not a question but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredictable but in the end is right, I hope you had the time of your life. So take the photographs and still frames in your mind. Hang it on your shelf with good health and good time. Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial. For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right, I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right. I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right. I hope you had the time of your life.

Last day of school

Tuesday was the last day of formal schooling and looking back at it, it didn't seem formal at all. Most of the day was filled with signing t-shirts, books and my sarong. As the grade twelves do every year, some people did stupid stuff. Some was harmless, others were not. Friends of mine turned a classroom upside-down. That was probably the least harmless prank pulled off. Nick brought four bags of flour to school to flour Jakob. He also rebelled against the sock policy and wore rainbow toe socks. Or as he called them, socks that are individually toed. Amazing. We wrapped Luke up in glad wrap and drew boobs on the plastic like the mature grade twelves we are. Sharnna managed to put glitter in peoples' hair and the fans. And Sam, Kelsey and I flew a kite in maths.

But it's sad to say that, after 12 years of schooling, we still spell 'made' m-a-y-d-e.

Love is a game,

Just meant to be played.

Love is a game,

And overly cliched

It's full of lovers,

Cheaters and one-night stands

It's full of trust,

Honesty and multiple hands.

Photo credit to someone on DeviantART

Pure Morning

I find it hard to trust people now.

Trust is a part of friendship.

I find it hard to hold a friendship.

Promises are made to be broken

Why is it, the promises I make myself are the easiest to break? I told myself I'd have my P plates by the time I finish high school and I find out I still have around 15 hours daytime and 9 hours night time to go.

I hate learning, I just want my P's. I'm thinking about B.Sing it.

Grade 12 legal, 2009 <3

I've talked too much about relationships, the I, myself, think that's all I know. So, instead, I'll talk about high school. How it's almost over. How starting grade twelve first like moments ago, and starting grade eight was only last year.

Remember stepping into the gates as a grade eighter, lost and insignificant? Remember the grade twelves, rude and full of hatred, treated us like their little brother or sister that drives them nuts. Now, we're reaching the end.

I'm excited and nervous at the same time. What am I meant to do now, that, after my whole fourteen years of education, I just throw myself into another four - six years. My life so far, was school: is school. I've had the taste of work and didn't like it. Maybe I should just attend university for the rest of my life.

The last day of the last full school week -- EVER

Everyone had cameras.

It was also free dress - Melbourne Cup theme

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I want to write a love letter, but I fail at expressing love in more than four-letters. Three, if you think dirty. Taking out a quote from a book, I'd say "I wish I had a dick so I could clearly express my admiration for certain people."

Words don't have enough meaning when it comes to expressing one's love. Photos speak a thousand words, but I don't even have enough photos of us to place into a photo album. That's probably the only thing I hate about Rinsma - photos scare him. Sheesh. I'd love to have countless photographs with him. It'd make me rather happy, it would.

On another note: hatred. It's okay to hate someone, but after years of not talking, wouldn't you slowly get over it? Instead, the hatred has tightened. Sigh. I'm sorry for being your ex-girlfriend. I'll try harder to be maybe no one instead.

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The offical video clip would't embed.

I hate Smallville.

A chemical reaction

In a relationship, you have elements called trust and honesty. To me, those two elements have become that hardest to keep ahold of. Maybe because they've finally turned into gas, instead something solid and easy to hold onto.
Halloween keeps replaying in my head. My dreams include those moments, but overexaggarated and with unicorns and fairy floss, because, as I said, its a dream. But that moment, in my head over and over again, allowed it to boil. Now it's steam, and hard to grasp onto.
Of course, this chemisty metaphor may be all wrong, I haven't done science since grade nine.
But, back to honesty.
Halloween wasn't dishonest. But I can't trust him to be honest anymore. He doesn't tell me how he feels as often, because he doesn't want my mood to go from positive to negative. I don't understand him, so this may be all wrong.
But it's annoying. And it hurts.

So my question remains;
How can I be in a relationship if I can't trust the person?

Two More Days

There's only two more days of full school days left.
Friday: Free Dress
Monday to Monday: Exam blocks (Monday to Wednesday for me ^_^")
Tuesday: Last full day ever
Wednesday: Grad Prac.
Friday: Graduation, pre-formal, formal and after party.


So much is happening at once, I don't know where I'm going.

10, 603

So I hit my first writers block at 10, 603 words. Sigh. It's frustratingly annoying. If only I could write perfect prose non-stop for hours on end and hit my 100, 000 goal (double of what I actually need by the end of the month, but that's the length of a good manuscript and I would love to publish a book). According to my formatting (times new roman, 12pt, double spacing which gives 300 words roughly on each page) I have 42 book-length pages. Yay.
If I were a reader, I'd have finished my book by now.

NaNoWriMo.org/eng/user/556071

So, I'm currently doing NaNoWriMo -- 50, 000 word story in 30 days. It's the second day today and I'm up to 6542. I'm estatic. But I've looked into the statistics. Twilight is around 110, 000 words long and 500 pages. So, I thought, since I like reading long books, my novel should exceed this 50, 000 word limit by 51, 000. So, instead, after winning the competition, I'm going to just write another 50, 000 during my school holidays. Do I have a life? Yes, I do. I've seen Rinsma most of yesterday as well as went out for dinner. Today I had a normal school life, with NaNoWriMo's story saved on my USB. Maybe I should eat lunch at school and then go to the library and cram a NaNoWriMo session there.

I'd love to publish a book.

It's definately not moments like these we need

Grace kids piss me off. Sorry.

It's prejudice.

I think the blur gives the effect of "drunken party.'

Halloween wasn't swell. It was more of a disappointment. If I wasn't a witch, I'd probably have been a garden gnome. That's because I sat out the front of Luke's place for a very long time, probably practically still. The only thing stopping me being a garden gnome, disregarding my prior costume, would be the lack of proper garden. Maybe I should have backed up a few paces and sat in the mulch.

Why is it, these 585 words for my English assignment was hard to write, but the 3005 words for NaNoWriMo.org was easier. Today NaNoWriMo started. We have to write, individually, 50, 000 words in 30 days. How exciting. You get a piece of paper when you win. And a finished manuscript that you can edit in December. November is for non-stop writing, December if for editing. If I make a manuscipt by the 30th of November, maybe I should try and publish it.

Thoughts?

Logical :: lacigoL

There are some things that just defy our logic. Like helium balloons are attracted to the sky, whereas general matter is attracted to the ground - thank you gravity and Sir Isaac Newton. According to cafe chefs, you should put the milk in your cup of coffee before the hot water, to caramelise it. Taste different, I've tried. But wouldn't you want to melt the coffee stuff first?
Regardless, I defied my own logic today. I wanted Rinsma at my house for certain reasons, but when he was here, the reasons kind of drifted away... who knows. Why do one thing when cuddles and chit chat is just more relaxing?
I should have caramelised my latte.

Awards Night

So, I didn't get photos from Awards Night because I was too busy running around in the background, bumping into junior students who had no manners and receiving gifts for staying 'till 9:30pm. So, instead, random school photos that've already been uploaded somewhere before!!! YAY

Gah, it's annoying when people sign in and out, or appear on/offline constantly, to grab attention. *Sets status to "busy"*

Stalked celebrity

Yesterday, Jess found out what it's like to be a stalked celebrity. Then again, I don't think celebrities would be doing what Jess did in public. They'd at least do it more sensibly.

Animal History

Do animals have a history? I'm not talking pets, because they'd have been isolated from hearing about their historys. But what about colonies of ants, and wild cats? Do they reminisce about the time that ant nearly died by a human, but dashed in time before the foot stomped on the ground? Maybe they have a form of writing too, just not what we think it is. Their footprints on the soil could be their communication, but we just think of it as them walking spaz-like. Who knows.
I wanted to be Eliza Thornberry as a kid. But look like me.

A fire burns today

Would you kiss me, without me having to ask?

Sunsets are bootiful, as Patrick Star would say. School's been a massive bludge. I don't feel like the teachers are trying to make us learn. All I've done is drawn multiple Alice's in Wonderlands. It's okay though, I like not learning. And since our assignments are all "independant", I don't feel like I'm going to regret ignoring the lesson.

Weightless

I've lost so much weight, I can see my own feet now.
Saggy skin = no, no

It's rather lame, that my friend's boyfriends steal them away from me. Majorly. Okay, I see Rinsma lots and lots, but I still feel that I see my friends enough too. Even the ones that aren't Tug-A-Longers.

Friend's boyfriend -- give her back!

On another note, I got my formal invitation finally. FINALLY. Gosh. I think they've gotten stricter this year. I wasn't even away that day. They should see the date on my test paper, it matches.

I got my HD cam corder back. I have basic, experimental YouTube ideas, but I need actors. Which leads me back to my original topic. GIVE HER BACK!

Bernice;

because blogger has a problem with me commenting you.

It was my car, and my refidex is in my mum's car... well, was. =D

Those moments

Don't you just love those moments where you unknowingly smile, because you're so happy you don't care? Where everything's gone just right, to every point and detail, and those that didn't, you're completely oblivious to?
Sigh. Life is beautiful.

Apparently I'm some god on some planet. Stupid game, I wanted to be something more interesting.

Not my formal.

Rinsma and I are not the people to hire if you want to go somewhere we've never been in time, and not get lost. Sorry Janice and Stephanie and the teacher in the black dress. But thank you for being patient. I hope you guys had a great night. But, sorry to say guys, my formal'll be more epic.

In a bedroom

It's the moments like these you need.

Realisations aren't as bitchy as I was going to type. Instead, it's a relief: having being told. Now comes the hard part; change. And, taking the advice from my pencil case's badge; this moment shall only be as hard as him.

Punch me in the guts, until I vomit all this out.

Word vomit.

I'm sorry for being an emotion twat. For always letting the negative emotion push and pull the positive ones. For always being on the verge of tears, even when you're completely oblivious. Thank you, novels, for being my guidance. If not to help me, but to take me away from my own life and show me yours. Thank you, for not attaching photographs. For not proving to me that I shouldn't have thought what I thought: said what I said.
It's annoying when I want to go back on my word. For wishing so hard that I could turn back time. To tell you "No, I'm not okay with it. Sorry, but I have rules. Break them, and I'll break you: emotionally. And at the same time, I'll break myself." Sorry for being so hard to read. For being confusing and hypocritical. Sorry for not being straight forward with my emotions.
I thought I was okay with it, but evidentally, I'm not. I'm definately not okay with it. I want to hate you, but I can't. You asked me, and I said yes. So I hate myself. I hate myself that, right now, I'm on the verge of tears. The only thing stopping me is the witness in the other room.
I'll have a shower. I'll break down in there. At least you can't come over tonight, to stop be hurting myself.
Not physically, I assure you. But it might as well be.

Everyone's Talkin'

So, I've just realised I'm going to have a very boring after party and schoolies week.
I'll be all on my lonesome.
That's because I'm so loved with the people I sit with.

I'll just go to the Bellingham Maze on a Monday.
Hardcore.

Kicking myself in the nuts with regret

But of course I'm not going to tell you that.

I've started reading Jodi Picoult's My Sister's Keeper. I'm disappointed already. I hate present tense when it comes to novels. Now I have 423 pages to live through. I want to watch the movie, and I plan on ruining my experience by reading the novel first. Now I'll see what's taken out of the film. It's challenged me though. Will I cry throughout the movie? Many people that are emotional have. That I know of anyway.
Will I? Am I heartless?

I don't know why I said what I said yesterday. I wish I didn't. Regretful, actually. It's not a nice feeling. But all those other feelings tht I felt were. And today too.

Giddy

Like Amelia Bradlow after her night with Joseph, Kristina feels rather giddy at the moment. No, it's not because I found that chapter rather hilarious. It was more like a porn novel, that chapter. No. My reason is different.

Regardless, follow me on DailyBooth: http://dailybooth.com/DelilahMakeBelieve
Especially if you love photos. It's a photo based social networking site.
This makes me happy. Not giddy. So no, Daily Booth isn't my reason.

I need some actors for a YouTube video I want to make. I'll wait for the summer holidays, I'm writing a script. You should be able to work entirely free, to my standards, incorporate to my standards, help improve my standards, and memorise simple scripts. I'm not asking you to memories paragraphs upon paragraphs. Not yet, anyway.

I want to be an experimental director on YouTube. Help me succeed in my ambition.

I'm giddy.

I got a feeling

It's weird when a 23-year-old writes in fantastic prose as a way to pick me up. Okay, the prose is only fantastic due to the vocabulary he uses, the constant elipsis pisses me off though.
Stupid man. You're probably 73.

Also. I feel ignored. Very.
And lonesome.
I need friends who actually try to care, as opposed to obviously ignore me.
*tears*

Amelia's life is more interesting. I want a shag buddy. An all day, every day shag buddy.
That's not gonna happen.

People should get DailyBooth. I feel like a loner on there. :http://dailybooth.com/DelilahMakeBelieve


Just when everything started to go swell, you JUST had to talk to me.
Fuck off.

Dear Daniel;

I found myself redrawing a love heart, over and over again, around "Rinsma." Yes. I'm deeply in love with your family.
Lol. No, not really.

I miss you.

Friends Movie: Just for Bernice

The internet says it's not true.

Tv said, if you believe the guy that worked in the coffee shop in the Tv series, then yes, it is true.

I'll be there for you

I'm not happy. Nor am I sad.
The current predictment I'm in isn't one I'm fond of.
I hate it actually.
To put it bluntly.

He's here.
In my house.
A mess.
Germ infested.
Ruining my holiday.

All I've done is seen Rinsma.
All I've done is seen Amanda.
Bloody Grace students.

I'm bored. I took plenty of photos of my chickie and kitty. But not together. I don't think that'd go down well.
I should be doing my extension english. But it's giving me a headache. I think accomplishing 500+ words today is a goal worthy of pride.
So I'm proud.

I should delete the videos on my camera soon.








Chickie grew up too fast

P.S. Did I hear right? Friends is going to be a movie in 2011?

Darn all these good things

I always feel like everything's going great, and then, at the peak of that great thing, in comes the interuption. It's not fair. And now, tomorrow will be the last day of freedom for a long while. Sigh. All the realisation of goods things have been tossed onto me as a result of doomsday Thursday. 10th of Sempter - my very own hell breaks loose.
Gah.
On the other hand, half an hour ago was the greatest moment of my day. Except a call ruined that too, at the peak of the moment I may add.
Still, it was great. And I can tell it was great for everyone else.

Maths exam tomorrow. I looked over the revision sheet with Rinsma but quickly lost interest. So I made him cook me steak and we watched The Simpsons.

Good times.

You think you had it bad?

I was sick during QCS. Great. And I thought filling out a form to be able to sit the test another day would be a hassle, lengthy and that they wouldn't be as leneant as school is for extensions. So I sat there, hankie near my noise, cough lollies in a clear plastic bag, trying to focus on Multiple Choice I. It turns out, even with my glasses on, my sickness was giving me the fuzzies. But I got there. I think I did well.
Sorry Baxter, for sniffing. I stopped on Wednesday, just for you.
I think I did better on Wednesday. But I forgot to times by 60% on the hair question.
Shit.
I'm doomed.
That's going to bring my whole mark down.
Thank god your OP isn't purely based on that test, maybe I should do my assignments which are due tomorrow.
Lame.
I need a soundtrack for FTV.

Temporary Lighter

I dyed my hair dark red.
Yes, I've secretly fantasied about rangas and thought I should be one.
Amazing how many rangas are in Harry Potter.
Okay, so I have temporary dye in my hair.
I love my brown hair too much to part with it for more than 10 washes.
But I did want a change.
I'm thinking dark purple during school holidays.
Because purple wouldn't be allowed in school.
How is red a natural hair colour?
Why can't every colour be a hair colour, like animes?

Here we are now, entertain us.

Everything changes so easily. It's not amazing, great or bad. It can be annoying, it's just something I notice everyday with each person. I like noticing. I'm not sure why. But I sit there, thinking to myself in my quiet little corner, out of reach from the rest of the group, but still there, rubbing up against them.
Eh.
Someone decided to annouce to one of my classes that QSC was in 2 weeks. I was very happy going about, not remembering that we have a major, major exam in only a couple of weeks. Then some other person was all 'not-that-many-days-left-of-school' to go. And I was all "SHUT UP!"
I don't like being told when things are about to end or come. It's because then it'll happen slower, and I'll be glad when high school's over. No more teachers and no more people you don't like. But then it's completely up to you to see your friends in your spare time, or lose what use to be a great friendship.
That's what I hate about some people. That can't be bothered with their social life that you start losing that strong friendship you use to have. But they don't notice until they come complaining to you about something, that you don't seem to be putting the amount of attention to them as you would have a while ago. Iunno. I think that's just what I witness on a day-to-day basis. I couldn't really care less. Except with my own friends, but I try to see them as much as I can and time will allow.
I also hate it when people come to your place and you assume they're there to hang out with you, but just sit in front of the computer the whole time. Can't we just do something more productive? Computer time is for when no one else is around. Or you have a big arse assignment that's due the next day and you haven't started.
I need to pee.

Psychologist. Psychiratrist.

Choices, choices.
I want to work with psychos. I want to work with people who've committed bizarre crimes such as Eric Harris, Dylan Ble... whatever, Josef Fritzl and the committer of the Black Delilah. Those are so interesting, so weird, so freaky and so bizarre. I don't want to die. I feel like I'll be very protective during psychoanalytic or psychiratist sessions. Sercuity cameras without audio, so they do have privacy. Like, hide the cameras well. But then again, psychopaths may see right through that.

I was watching a Columbine shooting renactment. I teared up a little, which is bad. I should be an emotional block and only show fake sympathy. I'll learn to man up, by reading all these crimes. Why don't I work in the legal field? Well, that's not just as interesting. I don't get the chance to try and 'understand' that person, and why they did whatever they did. But what country and what state has the most bizarre crimes? Wherever that is, I'll move there. If the crime can't find me, I'll find it.

OP 5 ftw <3

Compare and Contrast 02

The Shining by ~DelilahMakeBelieve on deviantART

I'm addicted to Photoshop.

Compare and contract

http://delilahmakebelieve.deviantart.com

Confused.

I feel like some mean spiritural being has jinxed me.
This just aren't going that great at the moment.
Everything I do looks fake.
I look like I'm happy.
I look like I'm enjoying.
I look like life couldn't be any easier.
Well, it's like that, for the very temporary moment, and it just gets taken away from me.
I'm not that happy right now.
But I'm not sad.
But my tears say otherwise.