One too many times

I've posted one too many times

This is for leaving without saying I love you.
I love you.

Kristina.

A fake name means that there's something to hide. That is something I believe I don't have. Of course, I do have those secrets that no one knows, but being Delilah Make Believe didn't make me happy. I felt like there was something about me I didn't want the world to know.
Well, I'd prefer it if my full name wasn't used on the internet. That is traceable, by like, a lot. So instead. I'm Katstina. Or Kristina. Or a Banana Nana. Not nana, as in granny, but pronouced nar-na, like the pronoucination of banana.
Why isn't there an R in banana?

Feelings

It's awkward when friend's feelings change. I just can't look at them the same.
Ever.

Forgive and Forget

I don't know if I can learn to forgive. There is many different actions people have done that I just don't approve of. It's their life, they can do what they want. But some of these actions have affected me. It may have been for the good, or for the bad, but it surely did hurt me. All these things that people have done, I don't forget. I remember them constantly. I remember the hurt. I remember the pleds for a sorry, and the sad faces they all bestowed. I remember the guilt for making them feel worried and upset, and the guilt of me making a fuss about them.

Forgive.

I said my forgiveness, but most of the times, I didn't mean it. I wanted to stop their worrying. I wanted to stop their fuss.

and Forget.

I haven't forgotten. And the remeberance makes me hurt just as much as it use to. Yes, it does fade away, but these memories remind me that I was hurt over them. Later in life, I suppose, I'll question why I hated them for it.

But forgive and forget, I have not.

Hangman

It's not common for someone who sits at a computer for the duration of their day to have something spark in their mind. Sure, you may have a sudden thought of needing to pee, wanting to eat, or another site to surf, but I mean an idea spark.
I had a spark.
Well, not so much a spark, but a thought.
So in hangman, awesome people like to guess vowels first because "every word has a vowel." Imagine the irony if the word "vowel" was spelt the txt tlk way. Anyways, more people know my word to be "gypsy" for it's lack of vowels. So I thought that I should increase my non-vowel vocabulary. And no, I don't plan on filling it with words such as "cry, try, fry," and any other word ending with ry. Smart people realise this when there's only three letters to guess.
I'd write a list of my new formed non-vowel list, but you may be my next challenger in hangman.
I also thought... I should restrain myself from common letters too.
R, S, T, N, M.

It's weird what you find out about people.

Everyone's growing up. We don't look like cute grade eighters anymore, but maturing teenagers. It's not a pretty site, as our grade 8 photos look ten times adorable. But recently, I've been finding things out about people that I wouldn't think suited them. I won't point fingers and label anyone with anything, but what I'm saying, everyone's maturing, whether for the good or bad. Everything's more complicated then it use to be. It's not as easy as eeny, meeny, miney, mo anymore. The choices we make now determine our future - childhood choice making is left to the risk takers now.

---

Something that made me laugh today:
We were taking about making someone's brother's hair grey for his 20th birthday. Yea. And then we figured we'd have to retouch his roots every night. And I was all "imagine him waking up to you touching his hair, he'd be all 'what are you doing in my room?' and you'd be all 'definately not masturbating.'"
Lol.
I shouldn't name the person I had this conversation with -- they're rather embarrassed.

Green Day albums

Okay, so I just read an email telling me that I won the full collection of Green Day albums. It's not a fake, cause I remember going into the competition to win tickets to their first show for 21st Century Breakdown. So, I won albums instead (runner up, seems like that's all I win). But it's great! I really wanted Nimrod and stuff, and now I get them! What's great is, they're due early July. My birthday's in July! YAY!

So anyway, today was QCS practice. Total boredom. So I go to school 10 minutes before 11am, because that's when blocks said it started. But then they go post-pone it to 11:50. So I'm sitting out front of the school with my mates, talking about Asians, dicks and I Love You, Man. Then some grade 11s out in the park start running like crazy towards the school grounds and a voice is heard yelling at them. Abuse and the lot. The kids all smile when they're in the safety of the school grounds. Then they realise they forgot their bike, and the man comes towards the group of people in front of us saying stuff like, "tell me where those fuck heads went," etc. Then he turns around and see the group retrieving one of the bikes they left at the park. And the guy runs after them, the group leaving the bike. The man starts to smash it, etc. Throwing it hard to the ground constantly. So we call the cops.

Then teachers arrived and told us to go to the study room for our own safety, and the rumours start.

QCS was boring. People got confused with the Ice Sheet question. I understood it, I just didn't have a calculator. I couldn't divide a massive number by 0.917 in my head, so I wrote about X and Y. =D

Hey, anorexic! Pass us the FAT

I'm not anorexic.
I look like this

And eat like this

I don't have a stubborn diet. I don't block my nose at the smells of bacon and eggs in the morning. I don't neglect the last piece of toast. Or ignore my lunch and dinner requirements.
I like my food.
Just because I'm not fat doesn't make me ultra skinny.
I'm not anorexic.
I just have a thin body structure.
Either be jealous, ignore me, or shut up.
Don't yell across the road that I should maybe gain a couple of kilos over the holidays, and that it'd be good for me.
You don't even know me.
I eat more than it looks. Food = love. Without food, we'd probably all be dead around about now.

Six months as of tomorrow

I don't think I should be scared. No, I'm not. But it's amazing how long I can hold onto him. Six months of being happy, it's not the first, but it's the best one yet, so I'm really happy. I've only drawn a drawing for him, he's going to think it's because he told me to. It was in my mindset before he told me, I swear. Also, I don't think a drawing is enough. Sure, it comes from the heart and all. And the best presents aren't store bought. But I didn't spend anything on this, so now I feel like a tight-arse.
In other news, I founds the third book of the Midnighter's series, so I'm over the moon and back again. It's probably the most suburb series ever. I don't care what people are saying about Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings or Twilight - they're not my type of fantasy. Go the supernatural fantasy!

Okay, end rant.

Shake, shake. Shake, shake a-shake it

Nine Billion Dollar Distruction

I just want to crawl up into a little kitty-shaped ball and hide from the world. I'm so sick of arguments and misunderstandings. My eyes want to drop tears, but I keep telling myself that I must stay strong. It's only just a minor thing, I shouldn't get worked up on it. But my eyes tell me otherwise. They want to let the water fall down my cheeks. I don't know why I feel this way, I was so happy last week.

Distant

I want to know things. I want to be able to know as much as possible about everyone I know. The catch is, I'm feeling more distant to everyone than I ever have. I wonder; am I one of those group tag-a-longs that people only accept out of their kindness of their hearts? I don't know. It's confusing me. I feel lonely. I want more than just a boyfriend and a best friend, I want a group of friends that can be there just randomly for a day out or a fall back if the other two don't fall through.
The worst thing is, I feel the most alone at school -where everyone is- compared to home -where it's just me, and sometimes mother- I don't know.
I'm thinking into this too much.
Joe Brooks is calming me down.

Secretly a life lesson

Eww. Old.

So there you have it. The starting of a happily ever after. Mother's found her mister police fellow and I've found the answer to my revision sheet.
This made me realise.... kid movies are pathetic. Yea, happily ever after's are what we all like to see. "At least they've got each other." Something we like to think right? Most characters in these movies are teenagers. Therefore, they're probably going to get divorced at some stage. Cancer maybe? I don't know. But you can't just END happily ever after. The story keeps going. More things happen. Maybe each movie should be a sequel. But then, that'd get boring.
So, I may have finished my revision test. But will I pass the real test? Will mother and mister police fellow hook in? Will I get a sibling?! NO! Mother's 50 next year. How scary. She's old.
Eww. Old.

I'll be with you from age 12-84. Well get married and have beautiful children.

How can you find the one you'll be with forever at the age of 12, 13, 14....? It can't be possible in this day in age. Me believing this, I find it a bit annoying when people cry, and cry, and cry forever on my shoulder as if they were the only person they've found. You cannot promise marriage at such a young age - this is why I also find arranged marriages stupid. But I won't got there, it's people's religion.
In other news.
I have started to except that fact that people won't read me the way I really am.
Also; I think mum's dating someone from the internet. This makes me feel awful for doing that once myself.

There You Go Again

MSN is a highly entertaining program when talking to people who don't live in the same country. Because, you can be whoever they want you to be, but when you're yourself then clearly, you're doing that same old shit again. On MSN I use to act as a somewhat intelligent random that knows how to have a good time. Once I act myself; the not-so-smart-unless-it's-school, always-laughing-or-lolling, annoying-somewhat-mean, smilely girl makes me a bitch. Everyone that truly knows me would say that. But once I'm that to those who know the MSN me, they think I'm some bitch.
So yay! There I go again, making people think I'm right. Gawrsh darnit, I alllllwaaays do this. .
Hahaha, people = stupid.

I don't like to fight, so I don't. I stay calm and collected. If someone wants to misinterpret that as abusive, they can. But it kinda gets annoying, so i suggest you don't.

Can't see, in love.

People are blinded by love. Something most obvious stands before them, and yet, they look past it and see what most people will never see. Yes, this can be a good thing. But that thing that they are passing to look inside that person can sometimes be the worst thing in a person. They either notice this trait and ignore it, thinking they'd never treat YOU like that. Or they just never notice it at all. Thing is, people are blinded by love. And I think I'm blinding someone. Therefore, I told them straight up, one of my most horrad traits.

Neighbours across a street

Boys seem to be able to come up with whatever excuse a book hasn't published. "Externally suspended and my school has my phone. I'm sorry." I wonder if boys know about home phones, internet, payphones, maybe even mail piegons. This isn't my dilema, it's my friends.
I wanted to inform my audience I'm yet to have about the neighbours across my street. I always hear a baby crying, see an evil looking man and hear arguments that involve a loud male voice and a whimpering female voice. I'm concerned but mum told me not to get involved. So I'm not. I'm just curious.

We can go to the moon and back but we have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour.

Realisation

I'm so use pretty long relationships. I've come to realise that there's a point in the relationship when you just... have nothing to talk about. It's that hard part of the relationship; if you can overcome it, your relationship will last a longer time.

Inanimate objects have feelings

I shant make missing my daily post a habit.

So, I've come to realise that I have bizarre habits. You see, I have this weird thing in the back of my head telling me the inanimate objects have feelings to - especially ones with a face. I blame Toy Story for this. But I still can't get out of the habit. I'm not a child any more, so I shouldn't have such a wide imagination, right?

Stupid days.

Do you ever get those moments when you want to extend your arm as away from your body as much as you can, only to bring sheer force into slamming your palm against your head as hard as you can? You probably haven't, you're probably not as insane as me.
What about those moments when you want to scream at the top of your voice, but you know you can't, because your mum will rush in and start questioning everything about anything. Which often make you end up at a point where you want to scream at her instead?
Or, those moments when you want to grab something, and throw it as hard as you can at something else? Say, your best clay sculpture at a brick wall? Or onto concrete?
How about, when those moments happen near something solid and hard? Say like, a computer desk. Something stresses you out so much, that you punch the desk as hard as possible. Or knee it from underneath, head bang it, elbow it, or do something else that hopefully hurts you and not leave damages to the desk?
Today, is one of those effing days.