Fun with Dick and Jane

So I haven't posted on here for a while now. And now it comes to a time where a lot of ideologies squeeze together into my mind where I cannot think clearly anymore.

1. I feel that couples who need to know where their significant other is all the times are either clingy or untrusting. A key ingredient in a relationship so happens to be this very trust they seem to be lacking. Does that mean their relationship isn't completely 'perfect' as people assume relationships can be?
2. Once your best friend gets a boyfriend, what you say to her is repeated to him. It's not a nice thing, because I didn't want him to know what I told her.
3. I dislike being told that I was this when I was actually that. Being accused of things they made me do isn't fair. You walked away first. You didn't acknowledge me on arrival. I was invisible for a long time. Nice.
4. Blah. I forgot everything now thanks to Fun With Dick and Jane. Nice one.

Great Valentines Day today, right? We went to Aussie World, played some mini golf and went swimming when we got back home.

Yesterday was Haru's birthday, which I spent up catching up with Janice. It was rather fun. The crepe was delicious.

Last night was Courtney and Guy's 18th. It was great fun. They played in slime, cracked a pinata and limboed it down to the ground. The cake had edible rocks and was like a Hawaii island. Nom, nom, nom.

Marie, Marie

You know today's bad when a English illiterate person says something rather profound: "In the end of the day, they (friends/lovers) aren't there for you." Who said that? Well, my mother.

You see, it's days like Australia Day, Christmas, Birthdays and the lot when I realise I don't really have true or close friends, just accomplises (spell check?).

The only person I really ever see is Daniel. But he has friends of his own and I swear he must've been like, Mr. Popular or something. I don't have that many close friends. Not even one really.

If the other person doesn't consider you a close friend, should they still be considered yours?

You know they don't consider you a close friend when they bail on you to fuck their boyfriend.

I haven't been truly happy in a long time. I fake it so people don't worry, but I've recently realised that it has a negative effect on me in the end. Especially in my brow, as it's been furrowed from trying to stop tears all day and last night.

I feel pathetic. Let's all pretend I died today.

It's gonna be the day

I had an awesome plan concocted in my cranium: burn down all liquor stores and suppliers. But, as I would have soon realise, alcohol and fire is a dangerous combination and that I should get over my negative obession to alcohol.

I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Oh well.

Girlfriend now...

Peer pressure: this isn't a type of pressure you put on a wound such as a snake bite.

No one's pressuring me, but I feel like I have to still anyways. What do I have to do? Attend parties. Drink at parties. Tell stories about how I cannot handle a simple intake of alcohol.

But I don't want to. But I want to hang out with friends, and they all seem to go to alcoholic gatherings. I find this rather lame, to be totally honest. Why do you need to lubricate your throat with an unhealthy substance to attain stupidity?

What type of drunk am I?

A slut. That's what.

"Is that a good thing? No it's bad bitch."

I don't even attend these types of parties because their influence rubs off on me - the being drunk influence, not the type of drunk they are. Which is rather bad.

I had a whole idea for this blog last night but I can't remember most of the things I thought about before I slept last night. Sigh.

Overall - my mind set is against drinking and I cannot change it no matter how much I try. I roll my eyes at stories about vomitting because you drank to much. Or when such-and-such did a tumble dive off the roof into a pool.

You get me closer to god

There's a couple of downsides to school starting up next week, even though I'm not attending high school anymore.

1. I can hear the school bell from my house. The first bell goes off around 7:50 - I don't want to wake up so early for no good reason.
2. I can't go anywhere in the afternoon because my aunt thinks my little cousin is incapable of walking 20 minutes to his own house. I'd like to have a life, thank you very much.

That's really all I have to say about school. I heard the bell today and questioned why. It's Saturday and school doesn't start until Wednesday. Are people retarded? And I don't mean that in a mean way towards people who suffer medical impairments of some kind.

I think I'm just ranting.

One thing I wanted to say was about vulnerablity. I think I scare easily with things I'm not use to. Like walking through the bushes around 3 in the morning. Or meeting more than one person at a time and having no one to fall back on. Things like wanting to please, but not doing something stupid that will then be something you're well known for - stuffing up and embarrassing yourself.

Who knows. I'm just weird.

I'm thinking about planning bowling next Saturday, 6pm-8pm. Iunno how that'll go down though. I have to ask mother first. Maybe bring some people back to my place and play some PS2/Gamecube/movies/Twister.

Huh, killing in the name of

No, I haven't forgotten about Delilah Make Believe. It's just that I know reserve this blog for 'deep thoughts' and big things that I'm scared about. It's hard to keep track of two blogs.

For those who haven't noticed my GIF to the side is a link to my other blog, here's the URL

http://another-project365.blogspot.com

I'm not the only one on it - Kevin is too.

And sadly, I'm too busy to continue writing or to post my post from yesterday or today on Project 365.

Sigh.

*Metallica solo*

So I got accepted into my third preference - Bachelor of Journalism at Griffiths; Gold Coast. Looks like I'm going to move out. I'll need people to bunk with though, so I'm asking friends/looking at the off-campus options. I really hope I get a surprise offer in the mail other than Griffiths, they have a bad rep for Journalism (required an op 12, QUT and UQ were looking for op 9, now you know why I hate my 10).

I hope things work out.

Daniel is doing an electrican theory at Brisbane Tafe. So there'll be distance. And I had this vow for no more long distant relationships.

Sigh.

Minx's bell

There was a group of people gathered around a small movie projector in the media room of the studio. According to the director, these people - actors - were to stage act a movie from a long time ago.

"Yes, freeze the frame here," the director called out to another person who controlled the footage. He then faced the actors, "see this girls expression? The longing in her eyes. The unsurety of asking whether or not she can join. She wants to get out of her boredom. She wants to do something exciting. The old movies may exaggerate expression, but there's so much feeling to them." He pointed to a female actress in the front row, "and you have to be able to get the same emotion.

"You see, this girl wants to go with him, where he's about to have fun. She rarely has fun, she wants to be invited. But she doesn't want to ask, because she wasn't invited and she doesn't know the host. But she wants to go. She hates being left alone with boredom."

"You can tell that, by this expression?" a man asked, tilting his head towards the paused screen, the girls face longing, but everything else didn't fall into place.

"I've watched the movie, I know the story line."

"Well, yea. But all that emotion?"

"It's obvious, isn't it? She wants to go with him to where he's going."

Urban Dictionary, you give me self esteem

1. kristina
sexiest girl ever....she needs to stop looking in the mirror when she says sexy!
:)


1. loves
= love
oftentimes a greeting or farewell.
can be used with interweb jargin such as
*i loves AZNBOIS*
or something like
*i haz loves for you babe*


1. Daniel
This is a difficult name to define because it defies many boundaries of human perception, let alone various languages. One of the closest translations that experts give is God or many other variations of that general idea.
Other definitions are thought to be:
Tao
Chi
The Great Spirit
Chuck Norris
Energy
Infinity
Sublime
ect
Despite the fact that various names have been pinned to Daniel, its seems that all of the above examples (including that of God)cannot even withstand the magnitude of Daniel.
The reason this name continues to elude even the brightest of human minds is that the idea of Daniel cannot possibly exist in a dimensional state. Daniel is so powerful, it defies all laws of this or any other universe. Recent studies have shown that people who have attempted to comprehend this name have either disappeared, died spontaneously, or driven themselves into a pertinent state of insanity and/or catatonia. One common belief is that Daniel is possibly the grounds on which everything and nothing is based. It seems to surpass the idea of infinity. Quantum physicists report that this Daniel is Everything and Nothing. It or He is said to have unexplainable connections with the String and Superstring Theories as Daniel resonates within every single layer of the multi-dimensional complex and yet still exists beyond that point which is where scientists have lost the trail. Various theologists and spiritual leaders believe that Daniel is one who is, as they say, "The Answer". All attempts to understand this idea of Daniel have failed.
Daniel. Nothing else can describe him.


Holy molly, I'm in love with an indescribale figure.
See Daniel, I told you, you were awesome/perfect/the bestest

Yeah, yeaaaahhhhh

Thank you for not dodging photos anymore.

I love you.

Tomerarenai eraser rain

I wish my resolution was easier.

Sometimes I think it would be easier if I could start my social ring of friends all over again. Including the 'boy' friend. Maybe, changing who I trust with the knowledge I know now, will stop me from the constant hurt I feel and the constant urge to tell someone close. I don't trust anyone now. The one I trusted the most broke that, and the rest tell my secrets anyway.

Make me want it

Here's my hero. If he were a superhero, he'd be Batman. I say that mainly because he likes him more than Spiderman. If I could choose, he'd be Spidey. So much better. Regardless, he makes me happy. And that's what a hero of mine should do.

They're all infected

Dear 2010,

I enter you with a broken heart. It's tattered and torn and trashed. I'm a weaker person than I was last year. I'm even weaker than I've ever been. I feel more vunerable and insecure. Everything I question. Why won't he tell me. Why protect her; you didn't protect me. My head is full of hurtful questions that sting my heart. And each time you don't answer, the sting moves in deeper, spreading the venom more, instead of taking it out as you would a bee sting.

I hate myself for being like this. I wish I were like I was back in 2009. Or even 2008, before I had a chance of putting myself in the most vunerable position. I regret my choices, and most of all, my actions. I hate wanting to know, even though I know it'll kill me more.

I hate how he doesn't understand. How he's completely oblivous to everything I want to know. Instead he builds a wall I cannot climb. One tough enough I cannot break down. It's completely surrounds my goal, so I cannot walk around it. I am given no shovel, so I cannot go under it. This wall annoys me. I want to know. Even if its the most simpliest thing out of all the questions I've aready asked regarding it.

My heart hurts. My eyes are always blurring, and it's not because I'm not wearing my glasses. I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. I feel the timing's too wrong to end it now. End my constant suffering.

I really do hate you.

Dear 2009

I hurt my hand on my mouse making this blog.

I was going to say how great this year was, but instead I decided to say nothing.

2009

Above photographs were stolen from Amanda's myspace.

I'm too lazy to upload new photos. I just wrote these in with their direct URL... so yea. I have plenty more I could upload. But I'm lazy. I can make a YouTube video, like back in grade 10. You're all tools, hey Sharnna?

2009 showed me that;

• People are insane
• Sex is awesome
• Boys have cooties
• She lost it in a car
• Asian photos don't have an English function
• Sushi tastes nice
• There's a Baskin Robins in Morayfield
• Subway tastes nice
• Mum is clumsy
• Green Day sounds the same live
• I can play more songs on guitar
• There's more music out there than what's on my iTunes/iPod
• Lindsay is named after a can of olives
• We have unused Christmas cards
• I should've been on my Ps ages back
• PS2 is out of date, but I finally got one
• Singstar is awesome
• Times get tough
• Happiness is great
• People's oddities are hilarious
• I should've gone to schoolies
• I want to go camping (thank you Bernice)
• I want to go in a hot air balloon
• The Ugly Truth was inspiring. I won't change though.
• And that, right now, I need to pee.

Come on baby, don't fear the reaper

In my years of being me (which isn't very long) I've learnt not to fall in love. It's one of the greatest, yet most hurtful emotions someone can feel. My heart has been ripped and teared at the seams so many times that what's left is equivilant to the fragment of balloons after it has popped. The pain is ridiculous and yet I feel it every day. When I see her face co-staring in my grief. I hate how I can't let it go so easily. I hate how it makes me cry frequently. Everything would be better if I weren't such a stupid person. I wish I could turn back time. I wish I listened to my aunt's advice of pestering him with endless phone calls. There's so much that could've changed things. But me being stuborn, I had to wreck what was perfect. And now it can never be the same.

Come to save, the princess Zelda

If you love me so much, you should subscribe, friend, or follow my Hairbrush blog. Project 365 is about to start. Nivek is doing it with me, so you're actually following two people at once as it's a collab blog.


http://hairbrush101.blogspot.com/

It's mainly a photo blog though. He'll probably write too much. =P

I'm not sick but I'm not well

OP 10

If I can get an OP 10 when my brain was too sick to comprehend any of the QCS questions in the same rapid pace as it usually does, then there's something wrong with this system.

If I can get an OP 10 when averaged C's in every class bar mathematics A, then there's something wrong with this system.

If I can get an OP 10 when my Written Response barely related to time, then there's something wrong with this system.

I I can't get an OP 9 with all of the above factors, then people believe there's something wrong with me. But in all reality, I did better than I should have.

But trying to be genuine is harder than it seems.

If there's one thing I hate about Christmas, it's the fact that, from that day forth until the New Year, I'm eating the same thing for lunch and dinner. Yes, Christmas dinner/lunchs are very nice and all, but on the third day of eating the rich ham and drinking what probably is already off, egg nog, my body starts to hate me. I crave the nutrients I'm lacking.

I just hope my family Christmas doesn't cook for more people than they normally do. We have about six people to cater for, and they normal cook for thirty.

I hate Christmas left overs.

Tell me that you will listen

Make me laugh. Make me real laugh, all the time. Let me buy you something for a change. Not always though. Sometimes when I say no, I only want to start a play fight. I didn't actually mean no. Sometimes when I say no, I mean it, and if you go against it, I'll hate you for it. Hug me when I'm upset. If I'm angry at you, talking will only make it worse. Don't hug me if I'm not very close to you. I hate hugs from a majority of people. I reject most high fives. Understand my nerdy humour. Understand the flawsi n my vocabulary. Understand my perks, even if I don't. Let me bite my lip. Don't draw attention to my singing. I'll stop. I hate my pimples, but I don't hate yours. Let's do something different, but you have to think of what it is. Text me good night. Write me a letter and post it, even if we live 30 minutes apart. I love getting letters in the mail so it'd mean a lot to me. I don't care what the letter's about. Make it something you haven't told me. Accidentally forget your pants, that way I know you'll have to come back asap. Comment my blog. Make me happy. Little things make me happy. Never talk to her again. Punch her in the face, that'll make me happy. Let me go through the same surgery Jim Carey did in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, just so I can forget. I won't any other way.

Merry-go round

I've started to realise I have a low tolerance for incompetent people. I know that's rude and judgemental, but the stupid thing in my brain is hard to switch off.

In other news, I've remembered what my New Year resolutions were going to be. Let's just hope I can stick to them,

• Learn to say 'yes' to more things - rape no included.
• Be more positive.
• Be less judgemental. That means, my tolerance for "other" people must increase.
• Try my best at university. But that's not really a resolution, isn't it?