Dear Daniel;

I found myself redrawing a love heart, over and over again, around "Rinsma." Yes. I'm deeply in love with your family.
Lol. No, not really.

I miss you.

Friends Movie: Just for Bernice

The internet says it's not true.

Tv said, if you believe the guy that worked in the coffee shop in the Tv series, then yes, it is true.

I'll be there for you

I'm not happy. Nor am I sad.
The current predictment I'm in isn't one I'm fond of.
I hate it actually.
To put it bluntly.

He's here.
In my house.
A mess.
Germ infested.
Ruining my holiday.

All I've done is seen Rinsma.
All I've done is seen Amanda.
Bloody Grace students.

I'm bored. I took plenty of photos of my chickie and kitty. But not together. I don't think that'd go down well.
I should be doing my extension english. But it's giving me a headache. I think accomplishing 500+ words today is a goal worthy of pride.
So I'm proud.

I should delete the videos on my camera soon.








Chickie grew up too fast

P.S. Did I hear right? Friends is going to be a movie in 2011?

Darn all these good things

I always feel like everything's going great, and then, at the peak of that great thing, in comes the interuption. It's not fair. And now, tomorrow will be the last day of freedom for a long while. Sigh. All the realisation of goods things have been tossed onto me as a result of doomsday Thursday. 10th of Sempter - my very own hell breaks loose.
Gah.
On the other hand, half an hour ago was the greatest moment of my day. Except a call ruined that too, at the peak of the moment I may add.
Still, it was great. And I can tell it was great for everyone else.

Maths exam tomorrow. I looked over the revision sheet with Rinsma but quickly lost interest. So I made him cook me steak and we watched The Simpsons.

Good times.

You think you had it bad?

I was sick during QCS. Great. And I thought filling out a form to be able to sit the test another day would be a hassle, lengthy and that they wouldn't be as leneant as school is for extensions. So I sat there, hankie near my noise, cough lollies in a clear plastic bag, trying to focus on Multiple Choice I. It turns out, even with my glasses on, my sickness was giving me the fuzzies. But I got there. I think I did well.
Sorry Baxter, for sniffing. I stopped on Wednesday, just for you.
I think I did better on Wednesday. But I forgot to times by 60% on the hair question.
Shit.
I'm doomed.
That's going to bring my whole mark down.
Thank god your OP isn't purely based on that test, maybe I should do my assignments which are due tomorrow.
Lame.
I need a soundtrack for FTV.

Temporary Lighter

I dyed my hair dark red.
Yes, I've secretly fantasied about rangas and thought I should be one.
Amazing how many rangas are in Harry Potter.
Okay, so I have temporary dye in my hair.
I love my brown hair too much to part with it for more than 10 washes.
But I did want a change.
I'm thinking dark purple during school holidays.
Because purple wouldn't be allowed in school.
How is red a natural hair colour?
Why can't every colour be a hair colour, like animes?

Here we are now, entertain us.

Everything changes so easily. It's not amazing, great or bad. It can be annoying, it's just something I notice everyday with each person. I like noticing. I'm not sure why. But I sit there, thinking to myself in my quiet little corner, out of reach from the rest of the group, but still there, rubbing up against them.
Eh.
Someone decided to annouce to one of my classes that QSC was in 2 weeks. I was very happy going about, not remembering that we have a major, major exam in only a couple of weeks. Then some other person was all 'not-that-many-days-left-of-school' to go. And I was all "SHUT UP!"
I don't like being told when things are about to end or come. It's because then it'll happen slower, and I'll be glad when high school's over. No more teachers and no more people you don't like. But then it's completely up to you to see your friends in your spare time, or lose what use to be a great friendship.
That's what I hate about some people. That can't be bothered with their social life that you start losing that strong friendship you use to have. But they don't notice until they come complaining to you about something, that you don't seem to be putting the amount of attention to them as you would have a while ago. Iunno. I think that's just what I witness on a day-to-day basis. I couldn't really care less. Except with my own friends, but I try to see them as much as I can and time will allow.
I also hate it when people come to your place and you assume they're there to hang out with you, but just sit in front of the computer the whole time. Can't we just do something more productive? Computer time is for when no one else is around. Or you have a big arse assignment that's due the next day and you haven't started.
I need to pee.

Psychologist. Psychiratrist.

Choices, choices.
I want to work with psychos. I want to work with people who've committed bizarre crimes such as Eric Harris, Dylan Ble... whatever, Josef Fritzl and the committer of the Black Delilah. Those are so interesting, so weird, so freaky and so bizarre. I don't want to die. I feel like I'll be very protective during psychoanalytic or psychiratist sessions. Sercuity cameras without audio, so they do have privacy. Like, hide the cameras well. But then again, psychopaths may see right through that.

I was watching a Columbine shooting renactment. I teared up a little, which is bad. I should be an emotional block and only show fake sympathy. I'll learn to man up, by reading all these crimes. Why don't I work in the legal field? Well, that's not just as interesting. I don't get the chance to try and 'understand' that person, and why they did whatever they did. But what country and what state has the most bizarre crimes? Wherever that is, I'll move there. If the crime can't find me, I'll find it.

OP 5 ftw <3

Compare and Contrast 02

The Shining by ~DelilahMakeBelieve on deviantART

I'm addicted to Photoshop.

Compare and contract

http://delilahmakebelieve.deviantart.com

Confused.

I feel like some mean spiritural being has jinxed me.
This just aren't going that great at the moment.
Everything I do looks fake.
I look like I'm happy.
I look like I'm enjoying.
I look like life couldn't be any easier.
Well, it's like that, for the very temporary moment, and it just gets taken away from me.
I'm not that happy right now.
But I'm not sad.
But my tears say otherwise.

Cinesparks BIFF

Maybe I've been seeing Daniel too often. I probably deserve these breaks. But not seeing him within a two day gap seems unbareable. I'm so stupidly pathetic.

I'm getting bored of reading the Tomorrow Series by John Marsden. He should've stopped writing at book three, like he intended too. They just all seem very repeatitive now. I don't even think I spelt that write.

We went to the South Bank Modern Art Museum for Cinespark film today. The movie was okay, but I didn't like the plot l ine so much. Maybe it has the Napoleon Dynamite effect, where watching it the second time makes it ten times better. But why would you watch a movie for the second time when you didn't like it the first?
Anyway, afterwards we got some lunch and headed back to the museum to gaze at the artworks on display. Well, that's what everyone else did. Jess, Loryn and I went to the Gallery's shop because I love it there. I spent what felt like hours there, browsing at possible purchases. I got a magazine dedicated to Brazilan art. It's rather spectacular. I was going to get a 70s book, and now I wish I did. I think I may have preferred it. But that's okay, Jess and I are headed to South Bank on Sunday for Griffith's open day, we can always pop in and make a quick buy.
There was a rather realistic, giant woman sleeping in a bed. I wanted to feel her arms, they looked soft and flabby. No offence to the lady of course, I'm not saying she's fat. Maybe she is. But she's definately not skinny. I went to show Jess the big red circle that's always there, but the took it away! I was rather shocked. I visit the museum constantly (and still don't remember it's correct name) and it's always there, and I never get what it represents. But who cares now, it's gone. It disappeared. How depressing.
I got some photos of today. Not much, just the pink propagana wall, as I've renamed it. It;s meant to represent Chinese marketing. Or what it use to be. I also got the photo of the giant, sleeping lady. She was rather pretty.

QCS

My legs ache. They feel like jelly. Every step I take, I wobble slightly. Not only that, but just like jelly, if I leave them out in the sun too long, I feel like they'll melt beneath me and I'll just collapse to the ground.

So, it was QCS practice today. Written and short response. Not that fun. I wrote about a guy who got hit by a truck, and how his life's now a square instead of a circle. For short response... bleh. It was just bleh. I didn't like it, and I doubt on the day it'd be any better. I suck at multiple choice. How am I meant to study for multiple choice? I get like, 20 out of 50 all the time!
GAH

I didn't wear sun block yesterday. I normally do when I know it'll be a day out in the sun. But thanks to my lovely body, I'm not sunburnt. For all I know though, I may have just gotten skin cancer.

Powerpuff Girls

According to a very reilable source, grade eight kids, I went as Bubbles from Powerpuff Girls today.

Then again, why would I trust a generation that never watched Sailor Moon?

So today was sports carnival, as it is for many schools around Morten Bay Shire, and m aybe Queensland too. Unlike the high schools I hear about, we had a theme - Superheroes and Cartoon Characters. Because it's school, and no where near the standards of Supanova, I did a shoddy job of being Sailor Mercury. I was ecstatic going as her, as I thought I done a splendid job making it. But to my disheartened self, I found out a majority of grade 8's, and maybe grade 9's too, had no idea who and what Sailor Moon is, therefore not Sailor Mercury. They kindly commented on my "awesome Bubbles outfit," then I questioned them on what Bubbles from Powerpuff looks like.


No wait, I see how they got confused...

Let's ignore my angry rant about iGeneration or Generation IT or Generation after Generation X's unknowledgable brains about cartoon characters and get on with the story of sports carnival. I didn't get many photos, which is a shame. Shannon and her siblings went as smurfs, which was mildy entertaining. By the end of the day though, she looked more like a sick nurse than Smurfette. Whenever I say "Smurfette" in my h ead, or aloud, I think of the conversation Donnie Darko had with his friends;




So, for the first time in my high school experience, I participated in sports carnival. I forgot my asthma puffer, so I didn't go in the 200m or the individual 400m. But I did all the other things! Smartarse teacher didn't tell us which house won though, but last time we checked, we were coming last by one point. How exciting. I contributed though, so I feel great. Iunno what else to say, so I leave you photos from today.

Ana wrecks your life, like an anorexia life.

I'm not gaining any wait, nor am I losing any. Why is weight important for my judgement? Well, I'd hate myself if I lost anymore kilos to what I am now. I'm a reversed female, as I'd love myself if I gained another 2 or 3 kilos. But instead, I stay still. This isn't what I'm annoyed about though. I find myself feeling that I have to endure food, rather than enjoy it. I'm eatting less and less by the days. I hope this doesn't become into a medical condition, otherwise I'd be playing Ana's Song by Silverchair nonstop, as it'd be the only song I'd relate to.
Sigh.

Procrastination excuse.

I'm not sure what I was going to write. I had this huge rant written in my head, but now it's not coming out as how I prescribed it.

So school thought they'd be cool and do a "Superheros and Cartoon Character" theme to our Sports Carnival. What's the point of having a theme if there's no prize? It's just the fun of dressing up that get people into it. But being me, the Asian into anime, I thought of cosplaying. I can't go as my Yuuki cosplay from Vampire Knight because half the school will tilt their heads and ask "what are you meant to be?" So instead, I'll remind the girls of their childhood and go as Sailor Mercury. But because it is a school event, I'm not going to go all out as I would if I were going to Supanova. I just don't feel the enthusiasm towards it as I did to making my Yuuki-Cross outfit. That being said, I'm actually going to spend more on being Sailor Mecury than I did being Yuuki. Mainly because I'm too lazy to alter anything myself, so I'm trying my best to make everything premade. Of course that massive bow stuck between her breasts is going to work on. Where do I buy big ribbons?

Anyways.... I'm trying to start my assignments, but I did this instead. I don't feel the motivation to do them anymore. It's the last year, and this is the last important term we have. After they told me that, I've been picturing the easy slope of term 4 ahead, and can't get myself getting up their first. My history teacher made it sound cool, term 4 is just rolling down a hill, but term 3 you have to climb up first. That sucks. Everything should just come done. I'd buy cheat sheets if this was America.... actually, I wouldn't. 1) I don't have the money (let's ignore my birthday money) and 2) that's morally wrong and I'll regret it later.

So I had interschool sports today at Grace Colleage. They kept passing mean comments about our school's appearance as they walked past us though. I'm going to take that to heart, I will. But that's a bit stupid, considering all the sh*t the reserves were saying about their school. I hate feeling as if I'm in between somehow, but that's just my girly attributes showing, as my extension english teacher would subtly say.
He gave us the best advice today, to us girls, "stop being nice!" Nick then turned around and begged me to stay nice, because he prefers it that way. I wonder why.

Anyway, I should stop my ranting now because, as I was waiting for, a wave to do FTV has flown through my body.

That sounds really nerdy.

R.I.P. mousey

So my mouse died, well I found her dead, yesterday. The mouse above isn't mine, it's some random one on the net. Mine was so disgusting, I feel rather horrible. She was a beautiful white mouse, always running in her wheel, nibble on y our finger and eating all our vege scraps. There was, what I think, a tumour or something in her tail. It was a big lump, near the bum. Apparently mice dying from cancer is common. To me, it sounds so human, therefore odd. Mother thinks she actually died around four days ago, because she's been giving her lettuce for that many days, but she never ate it. Mum didn't like her so much, so she wouldn't wait to see if Ally would come out of her hiddy hole and eat her food. But because four days worth of food went neglected, we're assuming her death was four days ago. I feel horrible though.

Mother cleaned out the cage today and as soon as I got home (I came home early today because I had awful asthma during school times and I jsut couldn't take it anymore, so I was nice and queasy already before she goes and tells me this) she told me about how it was like.

"There were fleas eating her, it was disgusting to watch."

That's the second mouse I've had that died in an awful way. Jasper, my black mouse (odd, cause Ally was albino), died from suffacation. He was under the cloth in the cage he shared with Alex, and couldn't find his way out and died from what I assume was suffacation, but could be lack of food.

R.I.P Algernon (Ally)

Yea... she was in the boy section of the mouse thingy, but for months showed no sign of male genitals, but later it went massive, but I still call her a girl. When I bought her, his name was going to be Algernon, after the rat from Flowers for Algernon by Michael Crawford

Something that happened to me.

The strangest thing happened to me about a month ago in math class. I was eating a sardine sandwich when I realized that there was a bad smell somewhere. You have probably had that experience before. I felt like a million dollars, and I knew that soon I would have to paint my toenails. My friend Victoria had called me the previous day, and told me all about Ty's problem with the stray dog that was acting strangely, and I was a little worried about infection. Then, all of a sudden, I saw creeping towards me what I realized was a huge masked man with a chainsaw, and right then I knew I was in love! I remembered what the secret voice in my armpit had told me about a situation like this. It was very important that I not throw up all over everyone. Very calmly, I placed wads of gum over strategic locations and waved my arms in the air. Before I knew it, my arms were stuck to my chest, and I knew I really liked being naked. So you see, I really was thankful that I acted sensibly, and I decided I had to tell you all about it.


Kristina

Ramune; why like something because of phases?

Today I went to the city with Amanda, which remains to me as "Rinsma's friend" and not my own, even though her and I are a couple, regardless of her 'engagement' ring on her finger. So today was spent ridding one another of multiple virginity types. I took her crepe virginity (omg, she's never had one before!?) and her DDR virginity. But these are all thinks, she's not sure if she's had a crepe before. In return, she took my sushi virginity. And together, we lost out ramune virginity.



*Those drinks are both mine. Amanda took sips.

Look at the webpage, like, they have f*cked up flavours. Wasabi, curry and octopus flavoured fizzy soda drinks? It was entertaining though, I've heard many anime-geek related conversations about this "marble drink." You open it in a way where a marble pops out. It confused me at first, and because I'm rather weak, takes me a while to open. You'll understand once you have it, it's at some sushi place in the city. I'm sorry I'm rather lack with the details. Here's a close up on the funky codd-neck marble lock.




Also, there's a new place in Queen St. Mall (I think that's where it was) on level Q, and they have brand-spankin' new Asian photo machines. It was great. It was awesome. There's nothing like non-grafftiied, non-broken, Asian photo machines.



*The green one's from the Area 58 booths, not the new ones. My scanner sucks.

Later, we were waiting for my train. City-home takes too long. There needs to be an even faster way to get back here. Anyway, Amanda decided to try on my awesome glasses, and so I leave you with photos of my girlfriend <3




Oh, and Rinsma, my boyfriend (yes, they both know I'm two-timing them =P) got me flowers and a big hippo soft toy ^_^





Oh, and a Fanta flavoured LipSmacker, but that's not as amazing.

Love you guys


P.S. Card Captor Sakura is addicting <3

"Feels more like a parent than a boyfriend"

* My friend's current personal message on MSN

Am I too much of a child? I think I over react too often and giggle too much. But is that bad?

Anyways. I'm rather pathetic. I crashed mum's car. Not only is it an automatic (my car's manual) but I was parking. Sheesh. I'm pathetic.

Fun Fact

Emilie Autumn's fairy wings aren't as easy as she makes them out to be. For starters, stockings are hard to find when you're looking for low quality, cheapo pairs. Who's going to pay $6.99 for stockings you're just gotta rip and tear? I, for one, would not. So I got $2 two pair. That's like, not $13.98, it's great. I spent around $40 on equipment. Not all of it goes to the wings of course, I can save for next time. But I had to buy wire twice, and the second ones didn't come cheap. You see, the first set was too weak that the stockings, when wrapped around properly, sunked in the shape making some funking rectangle with a polygon amout of sides. It's the idea that counts. So Rinsma got me expensive wire, how do I pay him back? I'mma make him a wire heart with the useless wire =D At least it's easier to bend.

I'm not 100% happy with how my wings turned out, but it's my first try so I made lots of mistakes. But I have ways in which I can fix up those mistakes. Here's a sample.








They're fun to make, once the frustration of the wire went away.

Candies from strangers

They were handing out toffee lollies on windscreen's of cars, attached to flyers. Rinsma gave me his, and now it's sitting in front of me. I'm not sure if I should eat it though. Yes, I got it from him, and he's not a stranger, but he got it from a stranger. Last I checked, stranger lollies can contain weird things like drugs, needles or even poo.
*The links actually work, I am not stupid.

I was about to write 'retarded' but thought better of it, what with The Chaser being off air and everything. Disregarding that useless rant, let's get back to my stranger danger story and poo. So, I was wondering, "should I eat this toffee covered in green wrap with orange trimming?" Sure, it sounds splendid when thought of like that, but it looks like they got it from the 50c bin. (Nothing wrong with that, I assure you.) It still has the blue part of the flyer attached to the staple on one side. If there's staples in this candy, there sure are sewing needles, Mary Jane's or poo. What's my thing with the poo you ask? Nothing. I just found a Mr Poo wrapping paper image on a Google image search entitled "poo candy." Yea, I researched those links above for your viewing pleasure.

Anyway, just like any C standard essay, I feed you information and lead you no where. But the question remains the same;

Should I eat this candy from a stranger?

Out with the new, in with the old

Today was spent at multiple Op Shops with Stephanie. We had a great time walking in the rain and making weird gestures in front of restraunt windows. But we did have one agenda in mind, other than going to the Medical Centre (which we never did) and feeding out hunger, and that was too find a costume for my 17th birthday party. I understand it's in estimate's months time, but there are some things I like to do, and that's dressing up and wearing dresses. We walking into Vinnies second - Salvos was pretty bland - and guess what we saw! A 'Public Masturbator Trench Coat' and the 'There's gotta be something wrong with that guy' hat! We combined them together to make an awesome, 'There's gotta be something wrong with that public masturbator' attire.


*No, Stephanie definately is not a pedophile. And if you're insulted by these pictures, I'm sorry, it's not the intention.

I also tried on a very pretty wedding dress. Stephanie and I were reading the tag, and we thought it said $20. It looked like Cinderella's dress from A Cinderella Story. I thought I'd try it on. The lady was under the impression that I was getting married, but that didn't matter. It was on display, so she had to take it down for me and said "it's pretty, and only $120." You should've seen our faces. It was the type of "what" face you don't what a person to see. Regardless, I tried it on. I loved it. But my bust, being very tiny, didn't fit the corset-y bust the dress had. Stephanie also had to button me up, and it had a lot of buttons.


*The white glove was worn by me the whole day with rememberance of Michael Jackson, who has been pronouced dead today.

Stephanie found this really pretty black dress for $12. She bought it, which she's going to wear at my birthday party. She'll be a slutty vampire. At least, that's what I'm saying. I bought a pinkish-purplish dress for my fairy costume.



I'm going to make my own pretty fairy wings for it, I just need to go to a craft shop. I'll get Rinsma to take me =D. I need to see him soon anyways. My fairy wing idea was influenced by Emilie Autumn, as she has a very unique fahsion sense.



She also makes soap.

One too many times

I've posted one too many times

This is for leaving without saying I love you.
I love you.

Kristina.

A fake name means that there's something to hide. That is something I believe I don't have. Of course, I do have those secrets that no one knows, but being Delilah Make Believe didn't make me happy. I felt like there was something about me I didn't want the world to know.
Well, I'd prefer it if my full name wasn't used on the internet. That is traceable, by like, a lot. So instead. I'm Katstina. Or Kristina. Or a Banana Nana. Not nana, as in granny, but pronouced nar-na, like the pronoucination of banana.
Why isn't there an R in banana?

Feelings

It's awkward when friend's feelings change. I just can't look at them the same.
Ever.

Forgive and Forget

I don't know if I can learn to forgive. There is many different actions people have done that I just don't approve of. It's their life, they can do what they want. But some of these actions have affected me. It may have been for the good, or for the bad, but it surely did hurt me. All these things that people have done, I don't forget. I remember them constantly. I remember the hurt. I remember the pleds for a sorry, and the sad faces they all bestowed. I remember the guilt for making them feel worried and upset, and the guilt of me making a fuss about them.

Forgive.

I said my forgiveness, but most of the times, I didn't mean it. I wanted to stop their worrying. I wanted to stop their fuss.

and Forget.

I haven't forgotten. And the remeberance makes me hurt just as much as it use to. Yes, it does fade away, but these memories remind me that I was hurt over them. Later in life, I suppose, I'll question why I hated them for it.

But forgive and forget, I have not.

Hangman

It's not common for someone who sits at a computer for the duration of their day to have something spark in their mind. Sure, you may have a sudden thought of needing to pee, wanting to eat, or another site to surf, but I mean an idea spark.
I had a spark.
Well, not so much a spark, but a thought.
So in hangman, awesome people like to guess vowels first because "every word has a vowel." Imagine the irony if the word "vowel" was spelt the txt tlk way. Anyways, more people know my word to be "gypsy" for it's lack of vowels. So I thought that I should increase my non-vowel vocabulary. And no, I don't plan on filling it with words such as "cry, try, fry," and any other word ending with ry. Smart people realise this when there's only three letters to guess.
I'd write a list of my new formed non-vowel list, but you may be my next challenger in hangman.
I also thought... I should restrain myself from common letters too.
R, S, T, N, M.

It's weird what you find out about people.

Everyone's growing up. We don't look like cute grade eighters anymore, but maturing teenagers. It's not a pretty site, as our grade 8 photos look ten times adorable. But recently, I've been finding things out about people that I wouldn't think suited them. I won't point fingers and label anyone with anything, but what I'm saying, everyone's maturing, whether for the good or bad. Everything's more complicated then it use to be. It's not as easy as eeny, meeny, miney, mo anymore. The choices we make now determine our future - childhood choice making is left to the risk takers now.

---

Something that made me laugh today:
We were taking about making someone's brother's hair grey for his 20th birthday. Yea. And then we figured we'd have to retouch his roots every night. And I was all "imagine him waking up to you touching his hair, he'd be all 'what are you doing in my room?' and you'd be all 'definately not masturbating.'"
Lol.
I shouldn't name the person I had this conversation with -- they're rather embarrassed.

Green Day albums

Okay, so I just read an email telling me that I won the full collection of Green Day albums. It's not a fake, cause I remember going into the competition to win tickets to their first show for 21st Century Breakdown. So, I won albums instead (runner up, seems like that's all I win). But it's great! I really wanted Nimrod and stuff, and now I get them! What's great is, they're due early July. My birthday's in July! YAY!

So anyway, today was QCS practice. Total boredom. So I go to school 10 minutes before 11am, because that's when blocks said it started. But then they go post-pone it to 11:50. So I'm sitting out front of the school with my mates, talking about Asians, dicks and I Love You, Man. Then some grade 11s out in the park start running like crazy towards the school grounds and a voice is heard yelling at them. Abuse and the lot. The kids all smile when they're in the safety of the school grounds. Then they realise they forgot their bike, and the man comes towards the group of people in front of us saying stuff like, "tell me where those fuck heads went," etc. Then he turns around and see the group retrieving one of the bikes they left at the park. And the guy runs after them, the group leaving the bike. The man starts to smash it, etc. Throwing it hard to the ground constantly. So we call the cops.

Then teachers arrived and told us to go to the study room for our own safety, and the rumours start.

QCS was boring. People got confused with the Ice Sheet question. I understood it, I just didn't have a calculator. I couldn't divide a massive number by 0.917 in my head, so I wrote about X and Y. =D

Hey, anorexic! Pass us the FAT

I'm not anorexic.
I look like this

And eat like this

I don't have a stubborn diet. I don't block my nose at the smells of bacon and eggs in the morning. I don't neglect the last piece of toast. Or ignore my lunch and dinner requirements.
I like my food.
Just because I'm not fat doesn't make me ultra skinny.
I'm not anorexic.
I just have a thin body structure.
Either be jealous, ignore me, or shut up.
Don't yell across the road that I should maybe gain a couple of kilos over the holidays, and that it'd be good for me.
You don't even know me.
I eat more than it looks. Food = love. Without food, we'd probably all be dead around about now.

Six months as of tomorrow

I don't think I should be scared. No, I'm not. But it's amazing how long I can hold onto him. Six months of being happy, it's not the first, but it's the best one yet, so I'm really happy. I've only drawn a drawing for him, he's going to think it's because he told me to. It was in my mindset before he told me, I swear. Also, I don't think a drawing is enough. Sure, it comes from the heart and all. And the best presents aren't store bought. But I didn't spend anything on this, so now I feel like a tight-arse.
In other news, I founds the third book of the Midnighter's series, so I'm over the moon and back again. It's probably the most suburb series ever. I don't care what people are saying about Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings or Twilight - they're not my type of fantasy. Go the supernatural fantasy!

Okay, end rant.

Shake, shake. Shake, shake a-shake it

Nine Billion Dollar Distruction

I just want to crawl up into a little kitty-shaped ball and hide from the world. I'm so sick of arguments and misunderstandings. My eyes want to drop tears, but I keep telling myself that I must stay strong. It's only just a minor thing, I shouldn't get worked up on it. But my eyes tell me otherwise. They want to let the water fall down my cheeks. I don't know why I feel this way, I was so happy last week.

Distant

I want to know things. I want to be able to know as much as possible about everyone I know. The catch is, I'm feeling more distant to everyone than I ever have. I wonder; am I one of those group tag-a-longs that people only accept out of their kindness of their hearts? I don't know. It's confusing me. I feel lonely. I want more than just a boyfriend and a best friend, I want a group of friends that can be there just randomly for a day out or a fall back if the other two don't fall through.
The worst thing is, I feel the most alone at school -where everyone is- compared to home -where it's just me, and sometimes mother- I don't know.
I'm thinking into this too much.
Joe Brooks is calming me down.

Secretly a life lesson

Eww. Old.

So there you have it. The starting of a happily ever after. Mother's found her mister police fellow and I've found the answer to my revision sheet.
This made me realise.... kid movies are pathetic. Yea, happily ever after's are what we all like to see. "At least they've got each other." Something we like to think right? Most characters in these movies are teenagers. Therefore, they're probably going to get divorced at some stage. Cancer maybe? I don't know. But you can't just END happily ever after. The story keeps going. More things happen. Maybe each movie should be a sequel. But then, that'd get boring.
So, I may have finished my revision test. But will I pass the real test? Will mother and mister police fellow hook in? Will I get a sibling?! NO! Mother's 50 next year. How scary. She's old.
Eww. Old.

I'll be with you from age 12-84. Well get married and have beautiful children.

How can you find the one you'll be with forever at the age of 12, 13, 14....? It can't be possible in this day in age. Me believing this, I find it a bit annoying when people cry, and cry, and cry forever on my shoulder as if they were the only person they've found. You cannot promise marriage at such a young age - this is why I also find arranged marriages stupid. But I won't got there, it's people's religion.
In other news.
I have started to except that fact that people won't read me the way I really am.
Also; I think mum's dating someone from the internet. This makes me feel awful for doing that once myself.

There You Go Again

MSN is a highly entertaining program when talking to people who don't live in the same country. Because, you can be whoever they want you to be, but when you're yourself then clearly, you're doing that same old shit again. On MSN I use to act as a somewhat intelligent random that knows how to have a good time. Once I act myself; the not-so-smart-unless-it's-school, always-laughing-or-lolling, annoying-somewhat-mean, smilely girl makes me a bitch. Everyone that truly knows me would say that. But once I'm that to those who know the MSN me, they think I'm some bitch.
So yay! There I go again, making people think I'm right. Gawrsh darnit, I alllllwaaays do this. .
Hahaha, people = stupid.

I don't like to fight, so I don't. I stay calm and collected. If someone wants to misinterpret that as abusive, they can. But it kinda gets annoying, so i suggest you don't.

Can't see, in love.

People are blinded by love. Something most obvious stands before them, and yet, they look past it and see what most people will never see. Yes, this can be a good thing. But that thing that they are passing to look inside that person can sometimes be the worst thing in a person. They either notice this trait and ignore it, thinking they'd never treat YOU like that. Or they just never notice it at all. Thing is, people are blinded by love. And I think I'm blinding someone. Therefore, I told them straight up, one of my most horrad traits.

Neighbours across a street

Boys seem to be able to come up with whatever excuse a book hasn't published. "Externally suspended and my school has my phone. I'm sorry." I wonder if boys know about home phones, internet, payphones, maybe even mail piegons. This isn't my dilema, it's my friends.
I wanted to inform my audience I'm yet to have about the neighbours across my street. I always hear a baby crying, see an evil looking man and hear arguments that involve a loud male voice and a whimpering female voice. I'm concerned but mum told me not to get involved. So I'm not. I'm just curious.

We can go to the moon and back but we have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour.

Realisation

I'm so use pretty long relationships. I've come to realise that there's a point in the relationship when you just... have nothing to talk about. It's that hard part of the relationship; if you can overcome it, your relationship will last a longer time.

Inanimate objects have feelings

I shant make missing my daily post a habit.

So, I've come to realise that I have bizarre habits. You see, I have this weird thing in the back of my head telling me the inanimate objects have feelings to - especially ones with a face. I blame Toy Story for this. But I still can't get out of the habit. I'm not a child any more, so I shouldn't have such a wide imagination, right?

Stupid days.

Do you ever get those moments when you want to extend your arm as away from your body as much as you can, only to bring sheer force into slamming your palm against your head as hard as you can? You probably haven't, you're probably not as insane as me.
What about those moments when you want to scream at the top of your voice, but you know you can't, because your mum will rush in and start questioning everything about anything. Which often make you end up at a point where you want to scream at her instead?
Or, those moments when you want to grab something, and throw it as hard as you can at something else? Say, your best clay sculpture at a brick wall? Or onto concrete?
How about, when those moments happen near something solid and hard? Say like, a computer desk. Something stresses you out so much, that you punch the desk as hard as possible. Or knee it from underneath, head bang it, elbow it, or do something else that hopefully hurts you and not leave damages to the desk?
Today, is one of those effing days.

Oh gawsh, yesterday's belated

I believe I missed my scheduled blog of yesterday, so I shall write an early Friday morning one to make up for it. Today, I talk about yesterday - for now. I'm most likely going to blab Friday secrets by accident.
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So, yesterday, I had a drivers lesson where he practically only allowed me to steer. Who knew steering could be pretty difficult? And they let you get drivers licenses just by passing a written test. What a crazy world we live in. Other things I did yesterday? Nothing really. A mathematics tutor came by too, but it's not like I needed it. I'm doing well in maths, so I didn't see the point.
Nope, no point intended.
So now, I'm bored, and schools soon to begin. Well; I gotta start departing for school soon.
Au revior!

School is practice for the future

Delilah Make Believe - nearly typed my own name - is having this tendency to be really smiley. I can't help it. I'm eating my most beloved flavoured ice cream and people I'm talking to at the moment are making me so happy =D! I've come to the part where I scrap the melted ice cream to the bottom p art of my bowl to allow my spoon to drink it like cold soup - yummy cold soup.
Drivers lesson tomorrow and I'm scared. I've never been behind a wheel that controls mass injury before. Gah! I hope he doesn't make me reverse. Even my friend said that'd be scary!
AHH!
But I also can't wait. =]
Practice makes perfect!
(Nobody's perfect, so why bother practicing?)
There's more to it, but I'm lazy.

Have You____ Him yet?

You really don't know who means the world to you until they're gone. My best friend's moved even futherer away from me. And my reaction to this - curl up into a little ball and cry it away. But obviously, that never works. And there's always someone concerned about you. My boyfriend cared a lot; but I've been hurt my too many guys that I'm finding myself too scared to ever open myself up to a lover ever again. I told him this, he says he understands. But I don't know. I feel bad. He probably tells me everything he remembers, when I just sit there, dull faced. I think he can see this, in me. The sudden change. He's probably worring. And I don't want him to worry. But I just can't help it.
I don't know. I feel lonely. I miss my "BFF" He knows everything about me; or as much as he should know. He knows what my mother doesn't, but other than him, mother knows me the most.
Those are the only two people I can see myself giving me away too. And I wish I could do this towards my boyfriend... but it's so scary.
I've been abused, used, cheated on, cheated against, etc. I'm not what you'd call perfect. But to me, I am perfect. I'm perfect at being me. And no one else can be me.
And my friend's so curious about me doing anything with my boyfriend. I feel as if my privacy is deprived.
I don't know... kinda confusing.
Jeez, this blog's sounding emotional already.